During this day and age everyone is very body conscious, even if they do not show it. People struggle with eating disorders and other issues with food either continuously or from time to time. Everyone at least tries to watch what they are eating, tells themselves they will go on a diet, try to eat the right foods, or just the right amount of foods to help their body move from one day to the next. There are not as many people out there that know just the right way to care for their physical body with the right form of diet and exercise, and actually stick to it. I know it is a constant struggle for me.
But what about nourishing our Souls? Just like the body needs food for fuel, our Soul cries out for prayer and spiritual reading. How many people out there worry and think on this as much as they do their physical body.
I always feel good about myself when I take the time to think about what I am going to eat before I make a decision as to whether or not I should put the certain food in my body.
So, will your Soul feel better, if you take the time to think about what you are putting out in the universe and what you are putting into your Soul.
I try to read at least one passage from the Bible every night before I go to bed, and at least get in a faith-based book between my other reading. I also try to pray and reach out to The Lord as many times a day as possible. This coupled with trying, as best I can (hey, I'm not perfect), really thinking "What would Jesus do?" when it comes to making even the simplest decisions.
It is hard to explain the way this makes me feel. It is a lot more than just feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. It is more like feeling at peace with myself, which is a feeling I very rarely felt before. It's like a diet for the Soul.
When I find myself going back to old/bad habits, like skipping Church because I'm "too tired", not reading the Bible because my Kindle broke and my physical Bible is in storage while my family looks for a new house, or not checking my actions (like thinking rude things about people I work with, those I don't know or sometimes my family when they do things that bother me for any reason), it's like I put on an extra couple of pounds to my Soul and some of the weight that was lifted comes back. Just like your body needs to be maintained and consciously looked after, so does your Soul.
It seems that this will be a constant struggle as I change the habits in my life. Just like diet and exercise, I know that I need to do this for my soul and it will be well worth the effort in the long run.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
A little poem
Over here in New England, the March weather is ending beautifully. I have been able to take my walks, which I try to get in for the 20 minutes before work and during my two 15 minute breaks, outside instead of in the hallways back and forth across the building.
This has lead to some really great reading time, and a lot of reflection with God. The other day as I was looking at the sun, I had a flash of inspiration and cam up with a little poem that I would like to share:
"Lord, your love is bigger than the tallest mountain.
It is brighter than the sun.
It is warmer than the warmest breeze.
The brilliance of this world is yours, please cloak me in your light.
You have me on my knees in prayer every day and night, so that one day I will be with you always, past all the days in this life"
I know that it is not Shakespeare, but I wanted to share this simple yet beautiful thought.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
This has lead to some really great reading time, and a lot of reflection with God. The other day as I was looking at the sun, I had a flash of inspiration and cam up with a little poem that I would like to share:
"Lord, your love is bigger than the tallest mountain.
It is brighter than the sun.
It is warmer than the warmest breeze.
The brilliance of this world is yours, please cloak me in your light.
You have me on my knees in prayer every day and night, so that one day I will be with you always, past all the days in this life"
I know that it is not Shakespeare, but I wanted to share this simple yet beautiful thought.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Help when you need it
I just had the best experience at church since bringing my daughter to Mass. One of the ushers came by when I was seated with the little one today and informed me that they took the reconciliation room and added a few chairs in case the kids get loud or fussy. Of course the first thought that came it to my head was, "Is my daughter so bad that they needed to make a room just for us?" then I apologized to the Lord for letting such a judgemental thought into my head, and realize that they are actually trying to do something nice for us, and for the congregation as a whole.
Since going back to church and praying, I realized I have a lot of those judgemental thoughts that like that pop into my head as a auto-response and I am trying to apologize for them and retrain my thought processes to think of the more positive reactions first.
Well, it took about 10 minutes for her to get rambunctious, and I was helped to the reconciliation room (luckily, because I did not know where it was), and even had help to get my stuff in there with us.
I realized what a blessing this really was from the moment I entered. The room was just located towards the back pews, with an open door that had a straight sight line to the pulpit, and a few chairs for my girl to climb all over (and she did). This gave her a chance to get rid of all her energy that was typically repressed in the pews, and lead to absolutely no fussing. I even had an easy time getting the Eucharist, since she was not "done" at that time which she had been almost every other week. I was able to keep an eye on her, and get a chance to hear what was going on. A few other parents came in from time to time and my girl got to make some new friends.
I was event told, they are looking to get the PA system back up and running so we can use a room at the bottom floor so that kids can really have at it, while the parents can enjoy the Mass.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Since going back to church and praying, I realized I have a lot of those judgemental thoughts that like that pop into my head as a auto-response and I am trying to apologize for them and retrain my thought processes to think of the more positive reactions first.
Well, it took about 10 minutes for her to get rambunctious, and I was helped to the reconciliation room (luckily, because I did not know where it was), and even had help to get my stuff in there with us.
I realized what a blessing this really was from the moment I entered. The room was just located towards the back pews, with an open door that had a straight sight line to the pulpit, and a few chairs for my girl to climb all over (and she did). This gave her a chance to get rid of all her energy that was typically repressed in the pews, and lead to absolutely no fussing. I even had an easy time getting the Eucharist, since she was not "done" at that time which she had been almost every other week. I was able to keep an eye on her, and get a chance to hear what was going on. A few other parents came in from time to time and my girl got to make some new friends.
I was event told, they are looking to get the PA system back up and running so we can use a room at the bottom floor so that kids can really have at it, while the parents can enjoy the Mass.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Reading is Fundamental
Since going back to church I have made it a mission to try and read a least a small passage of the Bible each night before I go to bed. I have been doing this for some time now and I have made it all the way to Leviticus. This is huge for me, I have never been able to get past Genesis before this. Before reaching this part of the Bible, I was given some advise to "prepare for Mass" by taking my Sunday Flyer from church, where they post the next weeks readings, and take the time to read these a head of time about a few days before the next Sunday. To read it thoroughly and let the words really sink in. This is supposed to let you find a connection with what is truly being said in each reading.
You may be thinking (like I was) "I go to church every Sunday now, so why do I need to do this?"
I did not take any real pay too much attention to this, until I realized that there are so many distractions going on during Mass, even ones we may not realize. There are sometimes (more often than not almost every weekend in my case) that there is a hyper or crying child while the readings or homily are taking place, you may find yourself noticing someone else in church you haven't seen in a while and your mind gets distracted, or many other things may be going through your head as well.
Well, before I today, when I planned on reviewing next weeks readings, I found myself reading Leviticus 4, which talks about sin offerings. I was reading through, thinking since this was from the Old Testament I wouldn't really find much relevance to today's church and myself, but boy was I wrong.
This was the first time I got an overwhelming feeling of "wow" followed with a few chills, I must admit. This talks about offering a animal "without blemish" and how the animal and blood will be used for sacrifice for this sin.
This truly made me think of the way that Jesus, the Messiah and a man "without blemish", without sin, was used in the same way as a sacrifice for all of man-kinds sins. This made me appreciate Jesus and the sacrifices that God has made for us and the the love that he continues to show us through out time.
I know now, that the Bible and the readings that are used in the church are just one way that God uses to connect with us and to try and make us see things that way that they truly are.
Another thing I wanted to add that happened a few days after this as well. I was in my car having my nightly talk with God on my 10 minute drive home from work. At this time, and as often as I can though out the day, I always say "Thank you God". I thank him for my family, my friends, my job, and everything that he has given me and the world. This comes very naturally now, and I like to try to make it a part of every day, as many times a day as I can. One thing came it to my head that I do not believe I have ever said or realized before, and it felt so profound for me and filled me with such feeling that I had to take the words and say them out loud as well "I love you God". Those words have never been uttered from my lips before that I can ever remember. The absolute love and awe I felt at that moment was so over powering, it was a high like I had never felt before. This was just the other night, and I want to try and make it a part of every night to come, most people find it easy to thank God for all that he has done, but do we ever take the time to remind him that we love him as well?
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
You may be thinking (like I was) "I go to church every Sunday now, so why do I need to do this?"
I did not take any real pay too much attention to this, until I realized that there are so many distractions going on during Mass, even ones we may not realize. There are sometimes (more often than not almost every weekend in my case) that there is a hyper or crying child while the readings or homily are taking place, you may find yourself noticing someone else in church you haven't seen in a while and your mind gets distracted, or many other things may be going through your head as well.
Well, before I today, when I planned on reviewing next weeks readings, I found myself reading Leviticus 4, which talks about sin offerings. I was reading through, thinking since this was from the Old Testament I wouldn't really find much relevance to today's church and myself, but boy was I wrong.
This was the first time I got an overwhelming feeling of "wow" followed with a few chills, I must admit. This talks about offering a animal "without blemish" and how the animal and blood will be used for sacrifice for this sin.
This truly made me think of the way that Jesus, the Messiah and a man "without blemish", without sin, was used in the same way as a sacrifice for all of man-kinds sins. This made me appreciate Jesus and the sacrifices that God has made for us and the the love that he continues to show us through out time.
I know now, that the Bible and the readings that are used in the church are just one way that God uses to connect with us and to try and make us see things that way that they truly are.
Another thing I wanted to add that happened a few days after this as well. I was in my car having my nightly talk with God on my 10 minute drive home from work. At this time, and as often as I can though out the day, I always say "Thank you God". I thank him for my family, my friends, my job, and everything that he has given me and the world. This comes very naturally now, and I like to try to make it a part of every day, as many times a day as I can. One thing came it to my head that I do not believe I have ever said or realized before, and it felt so profound for me and filled me with such feeling that I had to take the words and say them out loud as well "I love you God". Those words have never been uttered from my lips before that I can ever remember. The absolute love and awe I felt at that moment was so over powering, it was a high like I had never felt before. This was just the other night, and I want to try and make it a part of every night to come, most people find it easy to thank God for all that he has done, but do we ever take the time to remind him that we love him as well?
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Nothig to say
I have promised myself to write a new post for this blog at least twice a week, that is one post on each of my days off. This should be easy right, I mean I have a split schedule with at least two or three days between my days off (depending on the side of the week I'm on)? Wrong.
I find myself today with almost nothing to say. Well, it's not that I don't have anything to say, it's more that I'm not quite sure what to say. I had a really tough day at work yesterday, with a massive headache (but not a migraine, thank you God) and not feeling well all around. This put me in a grumpy mood and I found myself with the day almost over, and realizing I didn't really take any time to pray, or really say a meaningful "Thank you God", and I realized this was the most out of sorts I have felt since I started going back to church and really trying to pray every day.
It's funny, how you can miss something, like my heart-felt prayer, and not realize how important it really is to you. The same thing can happen with the people in our lives. It is sometimes, when you are so used to someone being there all the time, like a spouse if they are out for a girls or guys night really late. You try to get to bed at your regular time, but you find yourself tossing and turning and you don't know why. Then it dawns on you, that the person you usually sleep next to, or cuddle with (hey, we've been together for 10 years, and married for almost 5, and we still cuddle for at least a few minutes before we turn over to fall asleep), is not there and it is throwing yourself out of whack.
Maybe next time you are having a bad day, just think, did I pray today? It may not make the day go away, but sometimes it can make the day that much better than it was when it started. At least, that is how it felt for me when I finally got a chance to say, "Thank you God, thank you for today, it may not have been perfect, but it reminded me of how much better I feel when I take the time to talk with you."
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
I find myself today with almost nothing to say. Well, it's not that I don't have anything to say, it's more that I'm not quite sure what to say. I had a really tough day at work yesterday, with a massive headache (but not a migraine, thank you God) and not feeling well all around. This put me in a grumpy mood and I found myself with the day almost over, and realizing I didn't really take any time to pray, or really say a meaningful "Thank you God", and I realized this was the most out of sorts I have felt since I started going back to church and really trying to pray every day.
It's funny, how you can miss something, like my heart-felt prayer, and not realize how important it really is to you. The same thing can happen with the people in our lives. It is sometimes, when you are so used to someone being there all the time, like a spouse if they are out for a girls or guys night really late. You try to get to bed at your regular time, but you find yourself tossing and turning and you don't know why. Then it dawns on you, that the person you usually sleep next to, or cuddle with (hey, we've been together for 10 years, and married for almost 5, and we still cuddle for at least a few minutes before we turn over to fall asleep), is not there and it is throwing yourself out of whack.
Maybe next time you are having a bad day, just think, did I pray today? It may not make the day go away, but sometimes it can make the day that much better than it was when it started. At least, that is how it felt for me when I finally got a chance to say, "Thank you God, thank you for today, it may not have been perfect, but it reminded me of how much better I feel when I take the time to talk with you."
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Time and Money
I know that I talk about being a mother quite a bit, but having a two year old at home, that is a large part of my life. With taking care of her, working full time, and trying to get as much quality time with my husband (we do not have any of the same days off together, though we do work together - literaly right next to one another) it is hard to feel like I have the time to be with God and feel as if I am doing to best job possible to spread his love through the world. There are so many people who take time to volunteer for various things, and though I would have had this time before my daughter, I really do not have the time with her. I am trying to find a way to see if I can get in a volunteer opportunity once a month, to feel I am doing something beneficial in my community, but it is so hard to find out where to start.
I also wish I had more money to donate to the church, charitable contributions for the homeless, hungry and the sick. Right now, me and my husband are saving up to buy our first home and almost all the money I have is going to the saving up. We lucked out that we had friends who went to a first time home buyers course, otherwise we would not have known one was out there and would have been even more lost when starting this big step in our lives. Knowing what it really takes to save up for and buy a home is overwhelming to say the least. So right now I do not feel I have the money to really contribute financially, and my husband and I are not always on the same page when it does come time to donate money.
I have prayed on this and have found something that truly feels right for me at the moment. I found out that there is a food pantry in my community and I have taken a few cans of food that would have otherwise stayed in the cabinets and donated that. However, since it is a community food pantry, there is only one day a week that donations are accepted, and timing wise, it ends up being the same day (and practically at the same time) I need to drop my daughter off with my mother-in-law on Thursdays while I work. Well, just when I thought that idea was out the window (I wanted to drop off some items at least once a week), I found out that the local grocery store, actually has a bin that anyone one can use to drop off items for the Food Pantry. This is very convenient, and I realized, instead of taking items from home and dropping them off, I can just pick-up a few dollars worth of items and leave them there whenever I do my grocery shopping. I also try to buy a can or two of cat food since they also have a drop off for "Kitty Angels" too which is a great charity for cats. Animals need love too!
I also realized when I was at church the other day, instead of having a yard sale when the spring comes, I can just drop off my old clothes at the bin they have in the parking lot, but that spring cleaning still doesn't feel like enough, people need clothes through out the year. Then it hit me, I am always looking for clearance clothes for my daughter so I can stock-up for the next year, without overpaying for kids clothes since they both ruin and grow out of them so quickly. Well, why not take up a few extra items since I am at the store anyway, and donate some of my clearance picks. This way I can get stuff for my family, while making sure I help out other families along the way.
This may not be perfect, and it may not be for everyone, but I want to ensure I am going above doing the least I can do. The least you can do is just that, the least. I want to find a way to do more without pushing my family and their needs to the side. And when my girl is in school (I'm not wishing that to come too quickly, I already feel like she's just growing up too fast), I can take another step above and volunteer my free time when she is at school.
I pray each day for new ways to better the world through my small works, and I really do hope that they help. Every one's life runs so differently, that we can not all help out the same way, but trying to find a way that works with your needs, that is what matters.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
I also wish I had more money to donate to the church, charitable contributions for the homeless, hungry and the sick. Right now, me and my husband are saving up to buy our first home and almost all the money I have is going to the saving up. We lucked out that we had friends who went to a first time home buyers course, otherwise we would not have known one was out there and would have been even more lost when starting this big step in our lives. Knowing what it really takes to save up for and buy a home is overwhelming to say the least. So right now I do not feel I have the money to really contribute financially, and my husband and I are not always on the same page when it does come time to donate money.
I have prayed on this and have found something that truly feels right for me at the moment. I found out that there is a food pantry in my community and I have taken a few cans of food that would have otherwise stayed in the cabinets and donated that. However, since it is a community food pantry, there is only one day a week that donations are accepted, and timing wise, it ends up being the same day (and practically at the same time) I need to drop my daughter off with my mother-in-law on Thursdays while I work. Well, just when I thought that idea was out the window (I wanted to drop off some items at least once a week), I found out that the local grocery store, actually has a bin that anyone one can use to drop off items for the Food Pantry. This is very convenient, and I realized, instead of taking items from home and dropping them off, I can just pick-up a few dollars worth of items and leave them there whenever I do my grocery shopping. I also try to buy a can or two of cat food since they also have a drop off for "Kitty Angels" too which is a great charity for cats. Animals need love too!
I also realized when I was at church the other day, instead of having a yard sale when the spring comes, I can just drop off my old clothes at the bin they have in the parking lot, but that spring cleaning still doesn't feel like enough, people need clothes through out the year. Then it hit me, I am always looking for clearance clothes for my daughter so I can stock-up for the next year, without overpaying for kids clothes since they both ruin and grow out of them so quickly. Well, why not take up a few extra items since I am at the store anyway, and donate some of my clearance picks. This way I can get stuff for my family, while making sure I help out other families along the way.
This may not be perfect, and it may not be for everyone, but I want to ensure I am going above doing the least I can do. The least you can do is just that, the least. I want to find a way to do more without pushing my family and their needs to the side. And when my girl is in school (I'm not wishing that to come too quickly, I already feel like she's just growing up too fast), I can take another step above and volunteer my free time when she is at school.
I pray each day for new ways to better the world through my small works, and I really do hope that they help. Every one's life runs so differently, that we can not all help out the same way, but trying to find a way that works with your needs, that is what matters.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Kids don't make it easy, do they?
Today was my first Sunday at Church this Lent, as my last post stated, I missed the first Sunday. When we were in the parking lot today, the first thing I told my 2 year old daughter (which is the same thing I have told her each weekend since we started going to church together), "Now remember, this is a quite and listening place." and as always her response was to put her finger to her lips and very quietly whisper, "Yeah, quite place Mama". And from there on, she was as quite as a mouth, then the church doors opened, and all quietness went out the window. Does this sound familiar to anyone else?
Each time we go to church, no matter what book I bring to keep her occupied (and hopefully quiet for as long as possible), all she wants to do is put the kneeling bench up and down and jump on it. Hey, the second I get to church, when I'm not running late, my first prayer is for my daughter not to scream, kick, yell, or do anything else, especially during the more solemn moments in church.
And of course, you can't just say, that's it no more Church, I've had it, no mater how much you want to, or the dirty looks you get from the other parishioners. Today, I even got an offer for a baby-sitter next week, which I actually got today from a complete stranger - I felt both guilty that she felt the offer was needed, and it was, but also a relief.
Maybe it's the terrible-two's really kicking in high gear, but as my husband would say, she's has been a beast today. She kept going from high-energy, cranky-pants, and uncontrollable screaming pants to the point where I had to step out into he hall, where she almost immediately quieted down. Then, we get back in to the church and she starts up again. At one point I had to hold her crying, and she was just clinging on to me. Her only real good moments were when she was staring at the 6th month old behind me, and they were both quietly doing raspberries back and forth to each other. It got to the point where I was almost ready to give up and go home for the day, which she kept asking me to do here and there, "home mama", "there mama, out there", "mama car". Just when I was about to give in, the most amazing thing happened, she took her head up from my shoulder and was quiet as can be, took her two little stubby hands and put them on both sides of my face and kept kissing me on one cheek, then giggling, then the other cheek, followed by more giggles, and the forehead, more giggles. My whole face just lit-up and I kept smiling. "Mama you silly mama", she tends to say this, whenever I laugh at something she is doing, or try to imitate her. Outside of "I love you Mama", her "Mama, you silly mama", are probably some of the sweetest words I hear here say.
If anyone would ask me if it's a hard job raising a child I would have to say "100% YES", then give a big broad smile and continue with, "but it's 100% worth it, and one of the most rewarding things you can do with your life".
Next time I'm going to bring my mom for reinforcement, and pray for my daughter through out the week. Hey, The Lord gets more prayers on Sunday, then he usually does any other time of the week, maybe mine weren't heard over the more important prayers, or maybe I need to learn more patience with my daughter, or the lesson is more for the parishioners themselves. Only God knows.
Each time we go to church, no matter what book I bring to keep her occupied (and hopefully quiet for as long as possible), all she wants to do is put the kneeling bench up and down and jump on it. Hey, the second I get to church, when I'm not running late, my first prayer is for my daughter not to scream, kick, yell, or do anything else, especially during the more solemn moments in church.
And of course, you can't just say, that's it no more Church, I've had it, no mater how much you want to, or the dirty looks you get from the other parishioners. Today, I even got an offer for a baby-sitter next week, which I actually got today from a complete stranger - I felt both guilty that she felt the offer was needed, and it was, but also a relief.
Maybe it's the terrible-two's really kicking in high gear, but as my husband would say, she's has been a beast today. She kept going from high-energy, cranky-pants, and uncontrollable screaming pants to the point where I had to step out into he hall, where she almost immediately quieted down. Then, we get back in to the church and she starts up again. At one point I had to hold her crying, and she was just clinging on to me. Her only real good moments were when she was staring at the 6th month old behind me, and they were both quietly doing raspberries back and forth to each other. It got to the point where I was almost ready to give up and go home for the day, which she kept asking me to do here and there, "home mama", "there mama, out there", "mama car". Just when I was about to give in, the most amazing thing happened, she took her head up from my shoulder and was quiet as can be, took her two little stubby hands and put them on both sides of my face and kept kissing me on one cheek, then giggling, then the other cheek, followed by more giggles, and the forehead, more giggles. My whole face just lit-up and I kept smiling. "Mama you silly mama", she tends to say this, whenever I laugh at something she is doing, or try to imitate her. Outside of "I love you Mama", her "Mama, you silly mama", are probably some of the sweetest words I hear here say.
If anyone would ask me if it's a hard job raising a child I would have to say "100% YES", then give a big broad smile and continue with, "but it's 100% worth it, and one of the most rewarding things you can do with your life".
Next time I'm going to bring my mom for reinforcement, and pray for my daughter through out the week. Hey, The Lord gets more prayers on Sunday, then he usually does any other time of the week, maybe mine weren't heard over the more important prayers, or maybe I need to learn more patience with my daughter, or the lesson is more for the parishioners themselves. Only God knows.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Balancing Act
Being a working wife and mother, life seems to be even more of a balancing act than it ever was before. My daughter is now two years old, and there are so many fun things to do with her now that she's getting so much bigger. This is both great, and overwhelming at the same time. I luck out, that she still naps, but outside of that quite 1-2 hours on my day off, there is no much time that is not devoted to her. Now that I have discovered my faith again, it seems that I struggle to find the right way to balance out my time with my daughter, my time with my husband (which is limited as we do not have the same day off at all - this works out great for daycare, but not as much for spending time together as a family), and trying to squeeze in my time for reflection and prayer with The Lord, which feels as if it should be much more of a priority.
I find myself trying each day to see how I can fit everything in my schedule.
Dancing with my daughter, playing with play dough, watching my favorite TV show or playing games with my hubby, catching up on my favorite Syfy series, reading a good book, doing the crossword, checking-up on my email, checking in with my sister, fixing the rip in Winnie The Pooh or my daughters PJ's, and then realizing, I'm not done yet, it all seems overwhelming from time to time (or nearly all the time). Everyone talks about balance, and multi-tasking, but how can we truly accomplish this? And how, besides the hour on Sunday at Church (which part of the time I am stopping the little one from trying to jump on the pews or having a meltdown because her shoe just fell off or some other crisis with her, which also makes me feel guilty for interrupting other peoples time with God), how do you get in your time with the Lord? Is there enough time in the day to even try?
Of course there is, you need to make the time. Sometimes you have to decide which is more important, watching another episode of "Torchwood" or "Storage Wars" or taking that half hour (without commercials), to pray. One way I get some time in with the Lord is to read at least one Bible passage a night (I find myself needing to do this before I finish getting ready for bed as I have been know to doze off while reading if I wait too long). I want to say one day, that yes, I have indeed read through the entire Bible. This is an accomplishment I would be very proud to make and would treasure for a long time.
Outside of this, I try to pray while I'm in the shower, driving to work after dropping my daughter at daycare, right before I'm ready to start to really go to sleep (while my husband is finishing getting ready for bed and I have a moment or two alone) or whenever I have a spare moment that I can just at lease say "Hi God, it's me and I just want to say Thank You for everything". I try to get out this simple little frase as often as I can, because to me, these are some of the most important words in my day, outside of "Please help me understand what you have chosen me to do on this earth for you and how I can best serve you?".
With all this, I still feel as if it's not quite enough, and I always find myself searching and praying for more, more time, more understanding, more knowledge. And I realize now, it's because I have begun to treasure this time alone with me, my thoughts, and God.
I believe, that re-thinking my tasks through out the day, re-directing my plans, and asking for God's help, is just the beginning of my journey, but the beginning is always a great place to start. I have also found myself listening to the AM radio from time to time and catching a Christian radio station as part of my journey through Lent. Lent is a time for sacrifice, and If I am just taking a small step in sacrificing listening to my Country, Pop or other music and replacing it with some wisdom, I think that's a step worth taking! I would suggest, if anyone can, to take some time here and there to listen to one of these broadcasts in their neighborhood, you would be surprised to find answers to questions you never knew you had. I also went online through my local station and signed up for a few email lists as a way to allow myself to see what other people have experienced with The Lord, and hopefully learn something in the meantime.
Does this mean, that this is what every moment of my day is dedicated to, yes and no. I feel that bonding with my daughter and my husband, instead of ignoring them while I read a Bible Passage or one of my emails, is prayer in itself. Everyone needs to find the balance in their own life, for a while mine felt out of balance because I was all family, no God. Then, I started going back to Church and was all God, not necessarily no family, but I was trying to find where to fit God into my family and personal life, without feeling like I was neglecting my faith, or my family. I have just started to be able to try and balance all of this, and realized that without God, I wouldn't have my family, and knowing my family is knowing how God truly cares for me and for those around me. Sorry, if it's feels like I go on sometimes, but sometimes there is so much to say and not enough room in the world to say it all.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
I find myself trying each day to see how I can fit everything in my schedule.
Dancing with my daughter, playing with play dough, watching my favorite TV show or playing games with my hubby, catching up on my favorite Syfy series, reading a good book, doing the crossword, checking-up on my email, checking in with my sister, fixing the rip in Winnie The Pooh or my daughters PJ's, and then realizing, I'm not done yet, it all seems overwhelming from time to time (or nearly all the time). Everyone talks about balance, and multi-tasking, but how can we truly accomplish this? And how, besides the hour on Sunday at Church (which part of the time I am stopping the little one from trying to jump on the pews or having a meltdown because her shoe just fell off or some other crisis with her, which also makes me feel guilty for interrupting other peoples time with God), how do you get in your time with the Lord? Is there enough time in the day to even try?
Of course there is, you need to make the time. Sometimes you have to decide which is more important, watching another episode of "Torchwood" or "Storage Wars" or taking that half hour (without commercials), to pray. One way I get some time in with the Lord is to read at least one Bible passage a night (I find myself needing to do this before I finish getting ready for bed as I have been know to doze off while reading if I wait too long). I want to say one day, that yes, I have indeed read through the entire Bible. This is an accomplishment I would be very proud to make and would treasure for a long time.
Outside of this, I try to pray while I'm in the shower, driving to work after dropping my daughter at daycare, right before I'm ready to start to really go to sleep (while my husband is finishing getting ready for bed and I have a moment or two alone) or whenever I have a spare moment that I can just at lease say "Hi God, it's me and I just want to say Thank You for everything". I try to get out this simple little frase as often as I can, because to me, these are some of the most important words in my day, outside of "Please help me understand what you have chosen me to do on this earth for you and how I can best serve you?".
With all this, I still feel as if it's not quite enough, and I always find myself searching and praying for more, more time, more understanding, more knowledge. And I realize now, it's because I have begun to treasure this time alone with me, my thoughts, and God.
I believe, that re-thinking my tasks through out the day, re-directing my plans, and asking for God's help, is just the beginning of my journey, but the beginning is always a great place to start. I have also found myself listening to the AM radio from time to time and catching a Christian radio station as part of my journey through Lent. Lent is a time for sacrifice, and If I am just taking a small step in sacrificing listening to my Country, Pop or other music and replacing it with some wisdom, I think that's a step worth taking! I would suggest, if anyone can, to take some time here and there to listen to one of these broadcasts in their neighborhood, you would be surprised to find answers to questions you never knew you had. I also went online through my local station and signed up for a few email lists as a way to allow myself to see what other people have experienced with The Lord, and hopefully learn something in the meantime.
Does this mean, that this is what every moment of my day is dedicated to, yes and no. I feel that bonding with my daughter and my husband, instead of ignoring them while I read a Bible Passage or one of my emails, is prayer in itself. Everyone needs to find the balance in their own life, for a while mine felt out of balance because I was all family, no God. Then, I started going back to Church and was all God, not necessarily no family, but I was trying to find where to fit God into my family and personal life, without feeling like I was neglecting my faith, or my family. I have just started to be able to try and balance all of this, and realized that without God, I wouldn't have my family, and knowing my family is knowing how God truly cares for me and for those around me. Sorry, if it's feels like I go on sometimes, but sometimes there is so much to say and not enough room in the world to say it all.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)