Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Day Off Blues

I realized the other day, that the hardest time of the week for me is my day off. That is the day that my whole routine is thrown out of whack. It doesn't help that I have a split schedule with a Wednesday and Sunday off and my husband has Tuesday and Saturday off. This is great for daycare, we only need to pay a sitter twice a week, and my mother-in-law takes our little one on the third day. But, it makes family time a bit more difficult (we are working on changing this hopefully within the next year)
For my day off I find Sunday is easier, there is Church of course, and typically an event that needs attending and staying on top of my faith feels easier. The Wednesday is a whole other story. Typically on a work day I will get into the shower by 9:00 am at the latest (I don't work until 11:00 am, but don't get too jealous if you work earlier in the morning, I don't get much time with the little one at night, and eat dinner too late, since I don't get out until 7:30 pm) and I will pray in the shower. I will also take my time and pray in the car ride on my way to and from work.
I also take the time to pray and reflect for a 10-20 minute walk around my work building in the morning and for about 10 minutes during two breaks at work while I take a brief stroll.
This time is very important to me. The general routine of the workday works wonders for me.
On my day off during the week, except for when I take the time to write this blog and pray the rosary, I find myself almost lost as my schedule is thrown to the wind.
My daughter takes up a lot of my time, as she should, and cleaning the house of course, but I always feel like I do not have the time to reflect in the same way I do during my work day.
This sometimes makes it harder for me to get the time in for prayer, as I am making sure that everything at home is running smoothly.
I feel that I do not do enough volunteer or charity work at home, though I do a lot of crocheting and try to donate most of my finished projects.
I have always dreamed of being a wife and mother and feel this is my calling in life. But, not having the ability to be a stay-at-home-mom, in this two income world, I feel that I am not where I need to be.
For a while, whenever I had the free time (during naps especially), I would straighten-up as quickly as possible and make sure I got in at least one of my favorite shows. I still get that urge now, but instead of that being my first inclination, I make sure that I use my free time to benefit others, before myself.
This blog is just one of the ways that I make my day-off as useful as possible. I am tired of being selfish and worrying about mommytime.
I have been hoping, and praying, that with this blog I can at least help one person in the world, just one, and I feel that all of my time that I spend sharing my worries, thoughts, and triumphs, will pay off. Of course this does make me feel good too, but that is just a bonus, that is not the reason behind this, it should never  be. I have come to realize, and the realization has made me further believe that my job on this earth is to be a wife and mother, is that I am not hear for myself. I am here to work for others and help them on this earth, even if just through the lives of my family.
I am not a saint, I am no where near one, but I am a believer that God has put everyone one on this earth for reasons big and small and that it is not up to us to decide if the role we are put into is "good enough" for us or not.
Sorry, I do not plan my posts out, an simply allow my thoughts to come through as they progress while I am typing and I can sometimes move from subject to subject quickly. Whoever, out there, is reading this, I just want to let you know that everyone is loved by God. There is no one, and I mean no one, who is out of God's love. He is the patient parent who loves his children and waits for them to return from their journeying, hoping that the love he has is enough to help you through the difficulties that lie ahead, hoping to see you again in heaven. Our journey's on earth are but a road map home.

If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.



Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

In Your House

In your house I feel whole
In your house I feel safe
In your house I feel love
In your house I feel free
In your house I feel you Lord.

I have had a very busy schedule as of late. I find it has been over three weeks (until today), that I have been back in the Church. I have allowed my own "needs" and "plans" to take over my life. The only thing that should truly take over my life is the way of God. I have felt a lose in those few weeks which I could not place, not until I stepped back into Church today. It was then that I realized just how much I needed even just the feel of being in Church. It was like a much needed cleansing for my soul.
It also gave me a new perspective, and appreciation, for my faith.
For a long time, when I was not going to Church (though I always had the feeling I should have being going), I believed that just having good intentions and throwing out good thoughts, was enough all on it's own. Of course, it is a great starting point as we all need to start somewhere, but on it's own it is not enough.
The Church is the foundation of our faith. It is the cornerstone and what brings us together as a community in Christ. I have talked out about the fact that I have a toddler at home, and I have used her as an excuse not to take the time to get involved in my faith community. After being pulled to pray for the family dynamic (a calling I felt one day when walking through the halls of my workplace), and a homily at Church today which reiterated my own personal feelings about too much individualism at home and in the Church, I realized just what I was missing. Of course, I need to ensure that I am not neglecting my own family at home while taking the journey through my life in faith. But I also need to concentrate on my family in faith as well. It may take some time to change my ways and find a way to balance my family and faith time, maybe I'll never get it right, but I will keep trying.

If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.



Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

No more penny pinching

I hate to admit it, but I find myself pinching pennies event when it comes to the weekly collection at Church. I am by no means poor, but I am at least towards the bottom of the "middle class". I grew up pinching pennies for so long, being from a single parent household, that the thought of buying anything but generic/store brand items makes me feel like I am breaking the bank. So how, after doing everything to save every bit of money that I can, can I find myself able to break from that?

Well, I realized when I was shopping the other day, that if I look at the true value of what I am purchasing, I can warrant spending a little extra. For example, I believe it was Hunts Tomato Sauce, had a label on it that mentioned I could put in a code and they would donate money to hungry children. Well, the sauce was probably only about $0.50 more than what I would normally pay, but the payoff of helping those who don't even have the luxury of getting their food without assistance, was so much bigger. I also noticed all of the cereals and other items with the school box tops. Well, having a toddler at home, and a child-like husband (who is the one who always picks out the sugariest cereal he can find), means I go through a lot of cereal. This means, a lot of boxtops I can help donate to a local school (and then my daughters school when she finally goes, though hopefully that won't come too fast).

So now, instead of thinking about how much I can save on what I buy, I try to see first how much I can do with what I buy.
Taking this step has helped me loosen my purse strings quite a bit. Me and my husband have our own personal accounts, along with a joining account, and I try to pre-date as much of my bills from my personal account, then leave just enough in there to cover gas and emergencies, before transferring all that remains into the joint account. Well, I get paid bi-weekly, and I realized I can do a lot by just taking $80.00 if each paycheck and dividing it up over the two weeks before the next, before I find out how much I can put into savings. This gives me $40.00 each week, $20.00 of which now goes to the regular Church collection, then $20.00 to split between the second collection (this usually goes to maintenance of the church, projects, sister Churches etc.) and charity.

I have actually found myself having fun just looking at the various charities that I can send that extra $10.00 each week to. There are so many out there that I don't want to donate to just one. I also am finding different projects that charities are hosting/donating to, so that I can see if I can use my other talents (like my love of crocheting) to assist with.

I many not be rolling in the money, but this does not mean that I should hoard all of the money I do have for myself. My husband sometimes may tell me otherwise, but that is the luxury of having my separate account, I can do whatever I want with that money from my paycheck. That is part of the thing to, I don't want to just do what I want, but what is right. I sometimes want to buy that wonderful dress I saw at the store, but how many times will I wear it? How many dresses do I have in my closest I don't wear as it is? Do I really need a 7th or 10th pair of jeans when someone else may not have any?

I always thought that taking my friends hand me downs was great, it meant I didn't have to spend any money of the clothes I had. Then I realized, it was giving me clothes I honestly didn't even need. Now I need to take my thrifty, frugal ways, and try to make them work for others and not myself. I am not the only one who matters in this world, and my family is not the only family that matters. We all matter, and we need to remember that when we have more than we truly need to survive and thrive.

If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.



Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Old lessons

One of the most interesting books I have ever read just happens to be the Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. To read any book written about such an influential historical figure would be eye opening, but to read a book written by the same person is just fascinating. A lot of what he wrote has stuck with me, but the most interesting part of the book was the section where he talks about all of the virtues he tried to posses, and more interestingly, was how he actually worked at possessing them. He took about 13 virtues, and gave them each a brief synopsis, such as the virtue of "Humility" with the synopsis of "Imitate Jesus and Socrates". He then went so far as to make a listing fore each week with all 13 of the virtues he wished to be master of, and would mark each offence of the day under the corresponding virtue in hopes that one day he would have no marks in any of them.
I decided to take similar stock on virtues that I would like to posses with both the definition of the virtue, and a brief synopsis. I also have put these into a journal and have been working all week to mark try and mark each offense in the corresponding columns.
Like Franklin, I also have been working on one specific virtue through out the week and leaving all other virtues to chance through out so that I may hope to leave no markings in that virtue before moving on to concentrate on the next.
This has proven to be a somewhat difficult task as I have been trying to mark all of my transgressions at the end of the day, instead of the moment that it has occurred. As my journal is discreet enough to stay within my purse, I think I may deviate from Franklin's nightly tally and work on marking things as they occur instead.
Reading this autobiography has also inspired in me a desire for educational reading, as I see that Franklin has spent a lot of time educating himself in such an amazing way.
I feel, that I read too much for pleasure's sake and need to re-evaluate my reading materials. I have come up with a plan, which I think may prove more useful to myself than my reading has before this. I do not want to take away all of my fictional reading, but to lessen it by taking time to read one educational book (be it a more historical, science, mathematical, political, or other more educational subject), along with more faith based reading (such as books on the saints, the Catholic faith, or other more spiritual reading). Only after having read these, will I allow myself the indulgence of fictional reading. Even then I am going to try to be a bit more selective of this reading to ensure I am introducing new (or new to me) books rather than reading Jane Austen for the 13th time. There are so many books out there, it is time I introduce different materials into my library.
With this, I hope to spend my time becoming a better person for God, a person that he can be proud of, and that my family can be happy to have.
I believe that nothing truly happens by accident. Even the smallest thing, like finding this autobiography, can make a big impact in your life just when you need it most. The Lord knows what you need, even when you don't. I also believe that certain people are placed in the world to help God in his plans for us, both in their time, and through out history.

If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.




Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Back in the habit

I have not posted in a bit, as there is are a lot of things going on in my family life. But, isn't that always the way? You go to Church on a regular basis and start feeling comfortable, then one thing comes up and you say "It's okay if I miss this week, I'll make sure I go next week." But, then you find yourself in the same dilemma again and again and again. My big issue this time around is that my husband, who typically works on Sunday's, has had the day off the past couple of weeks. He, is not a fan of The Church, and can feel that I am neglecting him if I choose to attend Church (without my daughter who he does not want at church unless I am the only one home and she has to come) on a day he has off. If my daughter was a bit older and could handle going to a later Mass, I would at least be able to take her to a later Mass. But at this time, the later Masses happen to be during her nap time.
At these times, I find myself at a cross roads, I have made a commitment to my husband and in front of God, to honor and obey him. But, when is it right not to, and how should I handle a situation like this?
I know deep down, that going to Church is very important to me, and for my daughter as this is the only exposure to God that she will have outside of what I talk with her about.
I work hard at praying to, and communicating with, God on a daily basis as I feel this is the most important part of my day. Is this enough? Does God understand the changes to our routine that take us away from Church on some Sundays? Do we deserve his forgiveness if he does? I have believed in God all of my life, even during the times that I was not going to Church and had a lot of major issues going on in my life. However, I feel like I am new to God at this point in my life, but I feel that is because I am taking my faith, and my love in God more seriously that I ever had before.
I am reading and trying to understand God through the Bible, through the Mass and Homily during Church, through serious spiritual reading, faithful prayer and by communicating with The Lord on a daily basis.
All of this brings me to seriously consider, and at times humbly doubt, my worthiness to be one of Gods chosen ones. Am I good enough? How can I be better? Why do I find myself feeling like I am slipping back? How can I move on with so much sin corroding my soul. Sure, my sins are never "that bad", but a sin is still a sin. Just because I did not lie, does not make the thought of lying any less of a sin in itself. Just because I finished the project at work that I was suppose to, does not make the sounds of exasperation (and bad thoughts towards my job) any less of a fact.
Even with these doubts coursing through me on an ever ending basis, I still find myself with enough faith, and love in God to "power through" these rough patches. At the end of the day, I still reach for my Bible and read the next passage (sometimes reading one each from the Old and New Testament) and thanking The Lord for everything that he has given me (both the good and the bad). As I say each night before I go to bed, and each morning when I awake;

"Thank you Lord for everything you have given to me. Thank you for my husband, my daughter, my family, and my friends. Thank you for each and every day."

No matter how I feel on any given day, I know that it would mean nothing if it wasn't for God. It is to God that I owe my life and my soul and it is to Him that I work towards becoming the best version of myself each and every moment of each and every day.

If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.




Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Revisiting the Rosary

It has been some time since I had rosary beads for my confirmation, that my dad (who was not practicing any religion at that time) had given me a beautiful set of rosary beads. I had kept these for some time, but never really took any notice of them. In fact, I was not really even sure what they were used for back then. I just recalled that they looked liked the plastic pink necklace my great-grandmother kept by her bedside. It was not until I was much older that I realized how to pray the rosary. By that time, I had no idea what had happened to this beautiful gift my dad had given to me, out of respect for what I was accomplishing at the time.
I just decided that was that, and never gave it another thought.

Recently I have been encouraged to start praying the rosary again, which for me would be the first time, on a more regular basis.
Well, I recalled from high school, when I used to attend a yearly teen retreat, that there was a Church run gift shop downtown that sold items like this. I found out that all of their proceeds went to their Church. Well, that settled it, I was going to take the small trek downtown to pick-up my very own rosary and see what all the hype was about.

I have prayed the rosary twice since I made this purchase just a week ago. The feeling that I had each time I moved my fingers from bead to bead, and said the Hail Mary, a small weight was lifted from my soul. This was a feeling that I had only ever had inside the Church before.
I would highly suggest that if anyone, who believes in the power of God, try to make praying the rosary a habit in their lives, even if just once a week, or when they need a little extra strength of spirit. It is truly a powerful practice.


If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.




Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Food for the soul

During this day and age everyone is very body conscious, even if they do not show it. People struggle with eating disorders and other issues with food either continuously or from time to time. Everyone at least tries to watch what they are eating, tells themselves they will go on a diet, try to eat the right foods, or just the right amount of foods to help their body move from one day to the next. There are not as many people out there that know just the right way to care for their physical body with the right form of diet and exercise, and actually stick to it. I know it is a constant struggle for me.
But what about nourishing our Souls? Just like the body needs food for fuel, our Soul cries out for prayer and spiritual reading. How many people out there worry and think on this as much as they do their physical body.
I always feel good about myself when I take the time to think about what I am going to eat before I make a decision as to whether or not I should put the certain food in my body.
So, will your Soul feel better, if you take the time to think about what you are putting out in the universe and what you are putting into your Soul.
I try to read at least one passage from the Bible every night before I go to bed, and at least get in a faith-based book between my other reading. I also try to pray and reach out to The Lord as many times a day as possible. This coupled with trying, as best I can (hey, I'm not perfect), really thinking "What would Jesus do?" when it comes to making even the simplest decisions.
It is hard to explain the way this makes me feel. It is a lot more than just feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. It is more like feeling at peace with myself, which is a feeling I very rarely felt before. It's like a diet for the Soul.
When I find myself going back to old/bad habits, like skipping Church because I'm "too tired", not reading the Bible because my Kindle broke and my physical Bible is in storage while my family looks for a new house, or not checking my actions (like thinking rude things about people I work with, those I don't know or sometimes my family when they do things that bother me for any reason), it's like I put on an extra couple of pounds to my Soul and some of the weight that was lifted comes back. Just like your body needs to be maintained and consciously looked after, so does your Soul.
It seems that this will be a constant struggle as I change the habits in my life. Just like diet and exercise, I know that I need to do this for my soul and it will be well worth the effort in the long run.

If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.

Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!