Hello There

As most Catholics know, today is Ash Wednesday which is the start of Lent. What does this mean? Well, I'm on a journey to truly find out for the first time. I am 31 years old, and though raised as a "Catholic" I really don't know what that means. I have been brought up in and out of the church so much, that I only caught glimpses of what goes on inside the church. I cannot recall ever actually going to midnight mass for Christmas, or only a few times on Easter Sunday. There is so much I don't really know about my faith. My mother made sure I went to CCD to make my first communion and confirmation, but literally only during those times. I never went the years before, between or after, so I was always lost as to what was being taught, and I probably only went into church for a Sunday Mass about the same amount of times as the actual length of Lent, though this may be stretching a little, it is not by much. I didn't realize until I was a bit older, but I really feel that my faith was neglected because of this, and the not understanding of important things, like lent, and why people touch their face (sorry, I still don't really know what they are doing and which Gospel this is for), which caused me to feel out of place in the church. At any age I could have made the decision to go back to church and learn, however I did not and I cannot blame anyone but myself for that decision. After some time, I was engaged to my lovely husband and we were married in a Catholic Church when we were 27. Just before and after the marriage, my husband and I did go to church for a short time before we found a nearby Christian Church that was just seconds away from our apartment. Let's just say that only lasted so long, and left a somewhat sour taste in our mouths, and we stopped going to either church for some time. And sometime around this, when the whole child abuse scandal was coming out, I did find out that some family members were victims, and of course this did not really help my feelings towards the church, though I never doubted God.
Even with all of this, I need to admit that not going to church had always made me feel guilty; I just knew I was neglecting something. I mean, I always believed in God and Jesus Christ, but I never really understood why, I never really let myself realize just how important they really were to me, and until about a month ago, I just let the guilt eat at me. I realized, a few months ago, when my daughter turned two (and she shares a very special birthday with the most important person in the universe, Jesus Christ) that if I was feeling this guilty about not taking myself to church, how was I going to feel if she never had the chance to experience it herself, and neglected in her faith as I had when I realized how much I missed in those years of not going to church. Now some members of my family, and my husband, believe that it should be her choice as to what she believes, and to a point I agree. However, if I never show her what her choices are, how can she actually make an educated decision. My husband and I have decided not to have her her baptized, until she is old enough to decide that this is something she wants. But I have at least been able to make him see that it is good to take her to church with me, every Sunday (and believe me, he's still not quite sure about that, but luckily I have the day off and he does not, so there isn't too much of a choice in there). I have named my blog Faith From Scratch, as I feel that is where me and my daughter are starting from. I need to let go of what I missed in the past and move forward with what I can learn now and in the future. I have been attending church every Sunday and reading at least one passage in the Bible each and every night before bed (I love my kindle by the way, I can take the bible with me anywhere).
I know this is a bit of a long introduction, however, I feel that a background is necessary. I want to take this blog to reach those who maybe are not so sure of their faith, that they are not alone, and that you can go back at anytime in life, God has all the time in the world, literally.

After church this past Sunday, the Sunday before Ash Wednesday, we were given out handouts including information on lent, and a little black book. It was here that I started to learn about lent, and I realized, that I needed to show myself that I could truly commit to my faith. I have taken this information, and I am proud to say, I fasted for the first time today. Though, I had a headache most of the day (mainly because I'm giving up coffee, and drink about 4 cups a day) and was very hungry between my 1 slice of toast and peanut butter for breakfast and lunch, I truly felt how grateful an actual meal can really be and it felt good.
I will be fasting on Good Friday and the Saturday before Easter as well, and hope that I can muster up the same strength that I had today, and through prayer and God I believe that this is possible. For me, a person who tends not to follow through with a lot of her grand schemes, I need to prove to myself I can do this, and that I can give up coffee. I also plan on taking the little black book, which is a guide through lent for reflection about 6 minutes a day, and some time with God to help me through this. I believe that I can do this, and know I need to prove it to myself. I can't talk the talk, if I can't walk the walk.

If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.


Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!