I realized the other day, that the hardest time of the week for me is my day off. That is the day that my whole routine is thrown out of whack. It doesn't help that I have a split schedule with a Wednesday and Sunday off and my husband has Tuesday and Saturday off. This is great for daycare, we only need to pay a sitter twice a week, and my mother-in-law takes our little one on the third day. But, it makes family time a bit more difficult (we are working on changing this hopefully within the next year)
For my day off I find Sunday is easier, there is Church of course, and typically an event that needs attending and staying on top of my faith feels easier. The Wednesday is a whole other story. Typically on a work day I will get into the shower by 9:00 am at the latest (I don't work until 11:00 am, but don't get too jealous if you work earlier in the morning, I don't get much time with the little one at night, and eat dinner too late, since I don't get out until 7:30 pm) and I will pray in the shower. I will also take my time and pray in the car ride on my way to and from work.
I also take the time to pray and reflect for a 10-20 minute walk around my work building in the morning and for about 10 minutes during two breaks at work while I take a brief stroll.
This time is very important to me. The general routine of the workday works wonders for me.
On my day off during the week, except for when I take the time to write this blog and pray the rosary, I find myself almost lost as my schedule is thrown to the wind.
My daughter takes up a lot of my time, as she should, and cleaning the house of course, but I always feel like I do not have the time to reflect in the same way I do during my work day.
This sometimes makes it harder for me to get the time in for prayer, as I am making sure that everything at home is running smoothly.
I feel that I do not do enough volunteer or charity work at home, though I do a lot of crocheting and try to donate most of my finished projects.
I have always dreamed of being a wife and mother and feel this is my calling in life. But, not having the ability to be a stay-at-home-mom, in this two income world, I feel that I am not where I need to be.
For a while, whenever I had the free time (during naps especially), I would straighten-up as quickly as possible and make sure I got in at least one of my favorite shows. I still get that urge now, but instead of that being my first inclination, I make sure that I use my free time to benefit others, before myself.
This blog is just one of the ways that I make my day-off as useful as possible. I am tired of being selfish and worrying about mommytime.
I have been hoping, and praying, that with this blog I can at least help one person in the world, just one, and I feel that all of my time that I spend sharing my worries, thoughts, and triumphs, will pay off. Of course this does make me feel good too, but that is just a bonus, that is not the reason behind this, it should never be. I have come to realize, and the realization has made me further believe that my job on this earth is to be a wife and mother, is that I am not hear for myself. I am here to work for others and help them on this earth, even if just through the lives of my family.
I am not a saint, I am no where near one, but I am a believer that God has put everyone one on this earth for reasons big and small and that it is not up to us to decide if the role we are put into is "good enough" for us or not.
Sorry, I do not plan my posts out, an simply allow my thoughts to come through as they progress while I am typing and I can sometimes move from subject to subject quickly. Whoever, out there, is reading this, I just want to let you know that everyone is loved by God. There is no one, and I mean no one, who is out of God's love. He is the patient parent who loves his children and waits for them to return from their journeying, hoping that the love he has is enough to help you through the difficulties that lie ahead, hoping to see you again in heaven. Our journey's on earth are but a road map home.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
In Your House
In your house I feel whole
In your house I feel safe
In your house I feel love
In your house I feel free
In your house I feel you Lord.
I have had a very busy schedule as of late. I find it has been over three weeks (until today), that I have been back in the Church. I have allowed my own "needs" and "plans" to take over my life. The only thing that should truly take over my life is the way of God. I have felt a lose in those few weeks which I could not place, not until I stepped back into Church today. It was then that I realized just how much I needed even just the feel of being in Church. It was like a much needed cleansing for my soul.
It also gave me a new perspective, and appreciation, for my faith.
For a long time, when I was not going to Church (though I always had the feeling I should have being going), I believed that just having good intentions and throwing out good thoughts, was enough all on it's own. Of course, it is a great starting point as we all need to start somewhere, but on it's own it is not enough.
The Church is the foundation of our faith. It is the cornerstone and what brings us together as a community in Christ. I have talked out about the fact that I have a toddler at home, and I have used her as an excuse not to take the time to get involved in my faith community. After being pulled to pray for the family dynamic (a calling I felt one day when walking through the halls of my workplace), and a homily at Church today which reiterated my own personal feelings about too much individualism at home and in the Church, I realized just what I was missing. Of course, I need to ensure that I am not neglecting my own family at home while taking the journey through my life in faith. But I also need to concentrate on my family in faith as well. It may take some time to change my ways and find a way to balance my family and faith time, maybe I'll never get it right, but I will keep trying.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
In your house I feel safe
In your house I feel love
In your house I feel free
In your house I feel you Lord.
I have had a very busy schedule as of late. I find it has been over three weeks (until today), that I have been back in the Church. I have allowed my own "needs" and "plans" to take over my life. The only thing that should truly take over my life is the way of God. I have felt a lose in those few weeks which I could not place, not until I stepped back into Church today. It was then that I realized just how much I needed even just the feel of being in Church. It was like a much needed cleansing for my soul.
It also gave me a new perspective, and appreciation, for my faith.
For a long time, when I was not going to Church (though I always had the feeling I should have being going), I believed that just having good intentions and throwing out good thoughts, was enough all on it's own. Of course, it is a great starting point as we all need to start somewhere, but on it's own it is not enough.
The Church is the foundation of our faith. It is the cornerstone and what brings us together as a community in Christ. I have talked out about the fact that I have a toddler at home, and I have used her as an excuse not to take the time to get involved in my faith community. After being pulled to pray for the family dynamic (a calling I felt one day when walking through the halls of my workplace), and a homily at Church today which reiterated my own personal feelings about too much individualism at home and in the Church, I realized just what I was missing. Of course, I need to ensure that I am not neglecting my own family at home while taking the journey through my life in faith. But I also need to concentrate on my family in faith as well. It may take some time to change my ways and find a way to balance my family and faith time, maybe I'll never get it right, but I will keep trying.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
No more penny pinching
I hate to admit it, but I find myself pinching pennies event when it comes to the weekly collection at Church. I am by no means poor, but I am at least towards the bottom of the "middle class". I grew up pinching pennies for so long, being from a single parent household, that the thought of buying anything but generic/store brand items makes me feel like I am breaking the bank. So how, after doing everything to save every bit of money that I can, can I find myself able to break from that?
Well, I realized when I was shopping the other day, that if I look at the true value of what I am purchasing, I can warrant spending a little extra. For example, I believe it was Hunts Tomato Sauce, had a label on it that mentioned I could put in a code and they would donate money to hungry children. Well, the sauce was probably only about $0.50 more than what I would normally pay, but the payoff of helping those who don't even have the luxury of getting their food without assistance, was so much bigger. I also noticed all of the cereals and other items with the school box tops. Well, having a toddler at home, and a child-like husband (who is the one who always picks out the sugariest cereal he can find), means I go through a lot of cereal. This means, a lot of boxtops I can help donate to a local school (and then my daughters school when she finally goes, though hopefully that won't come too fast).
So now, instead of thinking about how much I can save on what I buy, I try to see first how much I can do with what I buy.
Taking this step has helped me loosen my purse strings quite a bit. Me and my husband have our own personal accounts, along with a joining account, and I try to pre-date as much of my bills from my personal account, then leave just enough in there to cover gas and emergencies, before transferring all that remains into the joint account. Well, I get paid bi-weekly, and I realized I can do a lot by just taking $80.00 if each paycheck and dividing it up over the two weeks before the next, before I find out how much I can put into savings. This gives me $40.00 each week, $20.00 of which now goes to the regular Church collection, then $20.00 to split between the second collection (this usually goes to maintenance of the church, projects, sister Churches etc.) and charity.
I have actually found myself having fun just looking at the various charities that I can send that extra $10.00 each week to. There are so many out there that I don't want to donate to just one. I also am finding different projects that charities are hosting/donating to, so that I can see if I can use my other talents (like my love of crocheting) to assist with.
I many not be rolling in the money, but this does not mean that I should hoard all of the money I do have for myself. My husband sometimes may tell me otherwise, but that is the luxury of having my separate account, I can do whatever I want with that money from my paycheck. That is part of the thing to, I don't want to just do what I want, but what is right. I sometimes want to buy that wonderful dress I saw at the store, but how many times will I wear it? How many dresses do I have in my closest I don't wear as it is? Do I really need a 7th or 10th pair of jeans when someone else may not have any?
I always thought that taking my friends hand me downs was great, it meant I didn't have to spend any money of the clothes I had. Then I realized, it was giving me clothes I honestly didn't even need. Now I need to take my thrifty, frugal ways, and try to make them work for others and not myself. I am not the only one who matters in this world, and my family is not the only family that matters. We all matter, and we need to remember that when we have more than we truly need to survive and thrive.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Well, I realized when I was shopping the other day, that if I look at the true value of what I am purchasing, I can warrant spending a little extra. For example, I believe it was Hunts Tomato Sauce, had a label on it that mentioned I could put in a code and they would donate money to hungry children. Well, the sauce was probably only about $0.50 more than what I would normally pay, but the payoff of helping those who don't even have the luxury of getting their food without assistance, was so much bigger. I also noticed all of the cereals and other items with the school box tops. Well, having a toddler at home, and a child-like husband (who is the one who always picks out the sugariest cereal he can find), means I go through a lot of cereal. This means, a lot of boxtops I can help donate to a local school (and then my daughters school when she finally goes, though hopefully that won't come too fast).
So now, instead of thinking about how much I can save on what I buy, I try to see first how much I can do with what I buy.
Taking this step has helped me loosen my purse strings quite a bit. Me and my husband have our own personal accounts, along with a joining account, and I try to pre-date as much of my bills from my personal account, then leave just enough in there to cover gas and emergencies, before transferring all that remains into the joint account. Well, I get paid bi-weekly, and I realized I can do a lot by just taking $80.00 if each paycheck and dividing it up over the two weeks before the next, before I find out how much I can put into savings. This gives me $40.00 each week, $20.00 of which now goes to the regular Church collection, then $20.00 to split between the second collection (this usually goes to maintenance of the church, projects, sister Churches etc.) and charity.
I have actually found myself having fun just looking at the various charities that I can send that extra $10.00 each week to. There are so many out there that I don't want to donate to just one. I also am finding different projects that charities are hosting/donating to, so that I can see if I can use my other talents (like my love of crocheting) to assist with.
I many not be rolling in the money, but this does not mean that I should hoard all of the money I do have for myself. My husband sometimes may tell me otherwise, but that is the luxury of having my separate account, I can do whatever I want with that money from my paycheck. That is part of the thing to, I don't want to just do what I want, but what is right. I sometimes want to buy that wonderful dress I saw at the store, but how many times will I wear it? How many dresses do I have in my closest I don't wear as it is? Do I really need a 7th or 10th pair of jeans when someone else may not have any?
I always thought that taking my friends hand me downs was great, it meant I didn't have to spend any money of the clothes I had. Then I realized, it was giving me clothes I honestly didn't even need. Now I need to take my thrifty, frugal ways, and try to make them work for others and not myself. I am not the only one who matters in this world, and my family is not the only family that matters. We all matter, and we need to remember that when we have more than we truly need to survive and thrive.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Old lessons
One of the most interesting books I have ever read just happens to be the Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. To read any book written about such an influential historical figure would be eye opening, but to read a book written by the same person is just fascinating. A lot of what he wrote has stuck with me, but the most interesting part of the book was the section where he talks about all of the virtues he tried to posses, and more interestingly, was how he actually worked at possessing them. He took about 13 virtues, and gave them each a brief synopsis, such as the virtue of "Humility" with the synopsis of "Imitate Jesus and Socrates". He then went so far as to make a listing fore each week with all 13 of the virtues he wished to be master of, and would mark each offence of the day under the corresponding virtue in hopes that one day he would have no marks in any of them.
I decided to take similar stock on virtues that I would like to posses with both the definition of the virtue, and a brief synopsis. I also have put these into a journal and have been working all week to mark try and mark each offense in the corresponding columns.
Like Franklin, I also have been working on one specific virtue through out the week and leaving all other virtues to chance through out so that I may hope to leave no markings in that virtue before moving on to concentrate on the next.
This has proven to be a somewhat difficult task as I have been trying to mark all of my transgressions at the end of the day, instead of the moment that it has occurred. As my journal is discreet enough to stay within my purse, I think I may deviate from Franklin's nightly tally and work on marking things as they occur instead.
Reading this autobiography has also inspired in me a desire for educational reading, as I see that Franklin has spent a lot of time educating himself in such an amazing way.
I feel, that I read too much for pleasure's sake and need to re-evaluate my reading materials. I have come up with a plan, which I think may prove more useful to myself than my reading has before this. I do not want to take away all of my fictional reading, but to lessen it by taking time to read one educational book (be it a more historical, science, mathematical, political, or other more educational subject), along with more faith based reading (such as books on the saints, the Catholic faith, or other more spiritual reading). Only after having read these, will I allow myself the indulgence of fictional reading. Even then I am going to try to be a bit more selective of this reading to ensure I am introducing new (or new to me) books rather than reading Jane Austen for the 13th time. There are so many books out there, it is time I introduce different materials into my library.
With this, I hope to spend my time becoming a better person for God, a person that he can be proud of, and that my family can be happy to have.
I believe that nothing truly happens by accident. Even the smallest thing, like finding this autobiography, can make a big impact in your life just when you need it most. The Lord knows what you need, even when you don't. I also believe that certain people are placed in the world to help God in his plans for us, both in their time, and through out history.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
I decided to take similar stock on virtues that I would like to posses with both the definition of the virtue, and a brief synopsis. I also have put these into a journal and have been working all week to mark try and mark each offense in the corresponding columns.
Like Franklin, I also have been working on one specific virtue through out the week and leaving all other virtues to chance through out so that I may hope to leave no markings in that virtue before moving on to concentrate on the next.
This has proven to be a somewhat difficult task as I have been trying to mark all of my transgressions at the end of the day, instead of the moment that it has occurred. As my journal is discreet enough to stay within my purse, I think I may deviate from Franklin's nightly tally and work on marking things as they occur instead.
Reading this autobiography has also inspired in me a desire for educational reading, as I see that Franklin has spent a lot of time educating himself in such an amazing way.
I feel, that I read too much for pleasure's sake and need to re-evaluate my reading materials. I have come up with a plan, which I think may prove more useful to myself than my reading has before this. I do not want to take away all of my fictional reading, but to lessen it by taking time to read one educational book (be it a more historical, science, mathematical, political, or other more educational subject), along with more faith based reading (such as books on the saints, the Catholic faith, or other more spiritual reading). Only after having read these, will I allow myself the indulgence of fictional reading. Even then I am going to try to be a bit more selective of this reading to ensure I am introducing new (or new to me) books rather than reading Jane Austen for the 13th time. There are so many books out there, it is time I introduce different materials into my library.
With this, I hope to spend my time becoming a better person for God, a person that he can be proud of, and that my family can be happy to have.
I believe that nothing truly happens by accident. Even the smallest thing, like finding this autobiography, can make a big impact in your life just when you need it most. The Lord knows what you need, even when you don't. I also believe that certain people are placed in the world to help God in his plans for us, both in their time, and through out history.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Back in the habit
I have not posted in a bit, as there is are a lot of things going on in my family life. But, isn't that always the way? You go to Church on a regular basis and start feeling comfortable, then one thing comes up and you say "It's okay if I miss this week, I'll make sure I go next week." But, then you find yourself in the same dilemma again and again and again. My big issue this time around is that my husband, who typically works on Sunday's, has had the day off the past couple of weeks. He, is not a fan of The Church, and can feel that I am neglecting him if I choose to attend Church (without my daughter who he does not want at church unless I am the only one home and she has to come) on a day he has off. If my daughter was a bit older and could handle going to a later Mass, I would at least be able to take her to a later Mass. But at this time, the later Masses happen to be during her nap time.
At these times, I find myself at a cross roads, I have made a commitment to my husband and in front of God, to honor and obey him. But, when is it right not to, and how should I handle a situation like this?
I know deep down, that going to Church is very important to me, and for my daughter as this is the only exposure to God that she will have outside of what I talk with her about.
I work hard at praying to, and communicating with, God on a daily basis as I feel this is the most important part of my day. Is this enough? Does God understand the changes to our routine that take us away from Church on some Sundays? Do we deserve his forgiveness if he does? I have believed in God all of my life, even during the times that I was not going to Church and had a lot of major issues going on in my life. However, I feel like I am new to God at this point in my life, but I feel that is because I am taking my faith, and my love in God more seriously that I ever had before.
I am reading and trying to understand God through the Bible, through the Mass and Homily during Church, through serious spiritual reading, faithful prayer and by communicating with The Lord on a daily basis.
All of this brings me to seriously consider, and at times humbly doubt, my worthiness to be one of Gods chosen ones. Am I good enough? How can I be better? Why do I find myself feeling like I am slipping back? How can I move on with so much sin corroding my soul. Sure, my sins are never "that bad", but a sin is still a sin. Just because I did not lie, does not make the thought of lying any less of a sin in itself. Just because I finished the project at work that I was suppose to, does not make the sounds of exasperation (and bad thoughts towards my job) any less of a fact.
Even with these doubts coursing through me on an ever ending basis, I still find myself with enough faith, and love in God to "power through" these rough patches. At the end of the day, I still reach for my Bible and read the next passage (sometimes reading one each from the Old and New Testament) and thanking The Lord for everything that he has given me (both the good and the bad). As I say each night before I go to bed, and each morning when I awake;
"Thank you Lord for everything you have given to me. Thank you for my husband, my daughter, my family, and my friends. Thank you for each and every day."
No matter how I feel on any given day, I know that it would mean nothing if it wasn't for God. It is to God that I owe my life and my soul and it is to Him that I work towards becoming the best version of myself each and every moment of each and every day.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
At these times, I find myself at a cross roads, I have made a commitment to my husband and in front of God, to honor and obey him. But, when is it right not to, and how should I handle a situation like this?
I know deep down, that going to Church is very important to me, and for my daughter as this is the only exposure to God that she will have outside of what I talk with her about.
I work hard at praying to, and communicating with, God on a daily basis as I feel this is the most important part of my day. Is this enough? Does God understand the changes to our routine that take us away from Church on some Sundays? Do we deserve his forgiveness if he does? I have believed in God all of my life, even during the times that I was not going to Church and had a lot of major issues going on in my life. However, I feel like I am new to God at this point in my life, but I feel that is because I am taking my faith, and my love in God more seriously that I ever had before.
I am reading and trying to understand God through the Bible, through the Mass and Homily during Church, through serious spiritual reading, faithful prayer and by communicating with The Lord on a daily basis.
All of this brings me to seriously consider, and at times humbly doubt, my worthiness to be one of Gods chosen ones. Am I good enough? How can I be better? Why do I find myself feeling like I am slipping back? How can I move on with so much sin corroding my soul. Sure, my sins are never "that bad", but a sin is still a sin. Just because I did not lie, does not make the thought of lying any less of a sin in itself. Just because I finished the project at work that I was suppose to, does not make the sounds of exasperation (and bad thoughts towards my job) any less of a fact.
Even with these doubts coursing through me on an ever ending basis, I still find myself with enough faith, and love in God to "power through" these rough patches. At the end of the day, I still reach for my Bible and read the next passage (sometimes reading one each from the Old and New Testament) and thanking The Lord for everything that he has given me (both the good and the bad). As I say each night before I go to bed, and each morning when I awake;
"Thank you Lord for everything you have given to me. Thank you for my husband, my daughter, my family, and my friends. Thank you for each and every day."
No matter how I feel on any given day, I know that it would mean nothing if it wasn't for God. It is to God that I owe my life and my soul and it is to Him that I work towards becoming the best version of myself each and every moment of each and every day.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Revisiting the Rosary
It has been some time since I had rosary beads for my confirmation, that my dad (who was not practicing any religion at that time) had given me a beautiful set of rosary beads. I had kept these for some time, but never really took any notice of them. In fact, I was not really even sure what they were used for back then. I just recalled that they looked liked the plastic pink necklace my great-grandmother kept by her bedside. It was not until I was much older that I realized how to pray the rosary. By that time, I had no idea what had happened to this beautiful gift my dad had given to me, out of respect for what I was accomplishing at the time.
I just decided that was that, and never gave it another thought.
Recently I have been encouraged to start praying the rosary again, which for me would be the first time, on a more regular basis.
Well, I recalled from high school, when I used to attend a yearly teen retreat, that there was a Church run gift shop downtown that sold items like this. I found out that all of their proceeds went to their Church. Well, that settled it, I was going to take the small trek downtown to pick-up my very own rosary and see what all the hype was about.
I have prayed the rosary twice since I made this purchase just a week ago. The feeling that I had each time I moved my fingers from bead to bead, and said the Hail Mary, a small weight was lifted from my soul. This was a feeling that I had only ever had inside the Church before.
I would highly suggest that if anyone, who believes in the power of God, try to make praying the rosary a habit in their lives, even if just once a week, or when they need a little extra strength of spirit. It is truly a powerful practice.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
I just decided that was that, and never gave it another thought.
Recently I have been encouraged to start praying the rosary again, which for me would be the first time, on a more regular basis.
Well, I recalled from high school, when I used to attend a yearly teen retreat, that there was a Church run gift shop downtown that sold items like this. I found out that all of their proceeds went to their Church. Well, that settled it, I was going to take the small trek downtown to pick-up my very own rosary and see what all the hype was about.
I have prayed the rosary twice since I made this purchase just a week ago. The feeling that I had each time I moved my fingers from bead to bead, and said the Hail Mary, a small weight was lifted from my soul. This was a feeling that I had only ever had inside the Church before.
I would highly suggest that if anyone, who believes in the power of God, try to make praying the rosary a habit in their lives, even if just once a week, or when they need a little extra strength of spirit. It is truly a powerful practice.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Food for the soul
During this day and age everyone is very body conscious, even if they do not show it. People struggle with eating disorders and other issues with food either continuously or from time to time. Everyone at least tries to watch what they are eating, tells themselves they will go on a diet, try to eat the right foods, or just the right amount of foods to help their body move from one day to the next. There are not as many people out there that know just the right way to care for their physical body with the right form of diet and exercise, and actually stick to it. I know it is a constant struggle for me.
But what about nourishing our Souls? Just like the body needs food for fuel, our Soul cries out for prayer and spiritual reading. How many people out there worry and think on this as much as they do their physical body.
I always feel good about myself when I take the time to think about what I am going to eat before I make a decision as to whether or not I should put the certain food in my body.
So, will your Soul feel better, if you take the time to think about what you are putting out in the universe and what you are putting into your Soul.
I try to read at least one passage from the Bible every night before I go to bed, and at least get in a faith-based book between my other reading. I also try to pray and reach out to The Lord as many times a day as possible. This coupled with trying, as best I can (hey, I'm not perfect), really thinking "What would Jesus do?" when it comes to making even the simplest decisions.
It is hard to explain the way this makes me feel. It is a lot more than just feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. It is more like feeling at peace with myself, which is a feeling I very rarely felt before. It's like a diet for the Soul.
When I find myself going back to old/bad habits, like skipping Church because I'm "too tired", not reading the Bible because my Kindle broke and my physical Bible is in storage while my family looks for a new house, or not checking my actions (like thinking rude things about people I work with, those I don't know or sometimes my family when they do things that bother me for any reason), it's like I put on an extra couple of pounds to my Soul and some of the weight that was lifted comes back. Just like your body needs to be maintained and consciously looked after, so does your Soul.
It seems that this will be a constant struggle as I change the habits in my life. Just like diet and exercise, I know that I need to do this for my soul and it will be well worth the effort in the long run.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
But what about nourishing our Souls? Just like the body needs food for fuel, our Soul cries out for prayer and spiritual reading. How many people out there worry and think on this as much as they do their physical body.
I always feel good about myself when I take the time to think about what I am going to eat before I make a decision as to whether or not I should put the certain food in my body.
So, will your Soul feel better, if you take the time to think about what you are putting out in the universe and what you are putting into your Soul.
I try to read at least one passage from the Bible every night before I go to bed, and at least get in a faith-based book between my other reading. I also try to pray and reach out to The Lord as many times a day as possible. This coupled with trying, as best I can (hey, I'm not perfect), really thinking "What would Jesus do?" when it comes to making even the simplest decisions.
It is hard to explain the way this makes me feel. It is a lot more than just feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. It is more like feeling at peace with myself, which is a feeling I very rarely felt before. It's like a diet for the Soul.
When I find myself going back to old/bad habits, like skipping Church because I'm "too tired", not reading the Bible because my Kindle broke and my physical Bible is in storage while my family looks for a new house, or not checking my actions (like thinking rude things about people I work with, those I don't know or sometimes my family when they do things that bother me for any reason), it's like I put on an extra couple of pounds to my Soul and some of the weight that was lifted comes back. Just like your body needs to be maintained and consciously looked after, so does your Soul.
It seems that this will be a constant struggle as I change the habits in my life. Just like diet and exercise, I know that I need to do this for my soul and it will be well worth the effort in the long run.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
A little poem
Over here in New England, the March weather is ending beautifully. I have been able to take my walks, which I try to get in for the 20 minutes before work and during my two 15 minute breaks, outside instead of in the hallways back and forth across the building.
This has lead to some really great reading time, and a lot of reflection with God. The other day as I was looking at the sun, I had a flash of inspiration and cam up with a little poem that I would like to share:
"Lord, your love is bigger than the tallest mountain.
It is brighter than the sun.
It is warmer than the warmest breeze.
The brilliance of this world is yours, please cloak me in your light.
You have me on my knees in prayer every day and night, so that one day I will be with you always, past all the days in this life"
I know that it is not Shakespeare, but I wanted to share this simple yet beautiful thought.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
This has lead to some really great reading time, and a lot of reflection with God. The other day as I was looking at the sun, I had a flash of inspiration and cam up with a little poem that I would like to share:
"Lord, your love is bigger than the tallest mountain.
It is brighter than the sun.
It is warmer than the warmest breeze.
The brilliance of this world is yours, please cloak me in your light.
You have me on my knees in prayer every day and night, so that one day I will be with you always, past all the days in this life"
I know that it is not Shakespeare, but I wanted to share this simple yet beautiful thought.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Help when you need it
I just had the best experience at church since bringing my daughter to Mass. One of the ushers came by when I was seated with the little one today and informed me that they took the reconciliation room and added a few chairs in case the kids get loud or fussy. Of course the first thought that came it to my head was, "Is my daughter so bad that they needed to make a room just for us?" then I apologized to the Lord for letting such a judgemental thought into my head, and realize that they are actually trying to do something nice for us, and for the congregation as a whole.
Since going back to church and praying, I realized I have a lot of those judgemental thoughts that like that pop into my head as a auto-response and I am trying to apologize for them and retrain my thought processes to think of the more positive reactions first.
Well, it took about 10 minutes for her to get rambunctious, and I was helped to the reconciliation room (luckily, because I did not know where it was), and even had help to get my stuff in there with us.
I realized what a blessing this really was from the moment I entered. The room was just located towards the back pews, with an open door that had a straight sight line to the pulpit, and a few chairs for my girl to climb all over (and she did). This gave her a chance to get rid of all her energy that was typically repressed in the pews, and lead to absolutely no fussing. I even had an easy time getting the Eucharist, since she was not "done" at that time which she had been almost every other week. I was able to keep an eye on her, and get a chance to hear what was going on. A few other parents came in from time to time and my girl got to make some new friends.
I was event told, they are looking to get the PA system back up and running so we can use a room at the bottom floor so that kids can really have at it, while the parents can enjoy the Mass.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Since going back to church and praying, I realized I have a lot of those judgemental thoughts that like that pop into my head as a auto-response and I am trying to apologize for them and retrain my thought processes to think of the more positive reactions first.
Well, it took about 10 minutes for her to get rambunctious, and I was helped to the reconciliation room (luckily, because I did not know where it was), and even had help to get my stuff in there with us.
I realized what a blessing this really was from the moment I entered. The room was just located towards the back pews, with an open door that had a straight sight line to the pulpit, and a few chairs for my girl to climb all over (and she did). This gave her a chance to get rid of all her energy that was typically repressed in the pews, and lead to absolutely no fussing. I even had an easy time getting the Eucharist, since she was not "done" at that time which she had been almost every other week. I was able to keep an eye on her, and get a chance to hear what was going on. A few other parents came in from time to time and my girl got to make some new friends.
I was event told, they are looking to get the PA system back up and running so we can use a room at the bottom floor so that kids can really have at it, while the parents can enjoy the Mass.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Reading is Fundamental
Since going back to church I have made it a mission to try and read a least a small passage of the Bible each night before I go to bed. I have been doing this for some time now and I have made it all the way to Leviticus. This is huge for me, I have never been able to get past Genesis before this. Before reaching this part of the Bible, I was given some advise to "prepare for Mass" by taking my Sunday Flyer from church, where they post the next weeks readings, and take the time to read these a head of time about a few days before the next Sunday. To read it thoroughly and let the words really sink in. This is supposed to let you find a connection with what is truly being said in each reading.
You may be thinking (like I was) "I go to church every Sunday now, so why do I need to do this?"
I did not take any real pay too much attention to this, until I realized that there are so many distractions going on during Mass, even ones we may not realize. There are sometimes (more often than not almost every weekend in my case) that there is a hyper or crying child while the readings or homily are taking place, you may find yourself noticing someone else in church you haven't seen in a while and your mind gets distracted, or many other things may be going through your head as well.
Well, before I today, when I planned on reviewing next weeks readings, I found myself reading Leviticus 4, which talks about sin offerings. I was reading through, thinking since this was from the Old Testament I wouldn't really find much relevance to today's church and myself, but boy was I wrong.
This was the first time I got an overwhelming feeling of "wow" followed with a few chills, I must admit. This talks about offering a animal "without blemish" and how the animal and blood will be used for sacrifice for this sin.
This truly made me think of the way that Jesus, the Messiah and a man "without blemish", without sin, was used in the same way as a sacrifice for all of man-kinds sins. This made me appreciate Jesus and the sacrifices that God has made for us and the the love that he continues to show us through out time.
I know now, that the Bible and the readings that are used in the church are just one way that God uses to connect with us and to try and make us see things that way that they truly are.
Another thing I wanted to add that happened a few days after this as well. I was in my car having my nightly talk with God on my 10 minute drive home from work. At this time, and as often as I can though out the day, I always say "Thank you God". I thank him for my family, my friends, my job, and everything that he has given me and the world. This comes very naturally now, and I like to try to make it a part of every day, as many times a day as I can. One thing came it to my head that I do not believe I have ever said or realized before, and it felt so profound for me and filled me with such feeling that I had to take the words and say them out loud as well "I love you God". Those words have never been uttered from my lips before that I can ever remember. The absolute love and awe I felt at that moment was so over powering, it was a high like I had never felt before. This was just the other night, and I want to try and make it a part of every night to come, most people find it easy to thank God for all that he has done, but do we ever take the time to remind him that we love him as well?
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
You may be thinking (like I was) "I go to church every Sunday now, so why do I need to do this?"
I did not take any real pay too much attention to this, until I realized that there are so many distractions going on during Mass, even ones we may not realize. There are sometimes (more often than not almost every weekend in my case) that there is a hyper or crying child while the readings or homily are taking place, you may find yourself noticing someone else in church you haven't seen in a while and your mind gets distracted, or many other things may be going through your head as well.
Well, before I today, when I planned on reviewing next weeks readings, I found myself reading Leviticus 4, which talks about sin offerings. I was reading through, thinking since this was from the Old Testament I wouldn't really find much relevance to today's church and myself, but boy was I wrong.
This was the first time I got an overwhelming feeling of "wow" followed with a few chills, I must admit. This talks about offering a animal "without blemish" and how the animal and blood will be used for sacrifice for this sin.
This truly made me think of the way that Jesus, the Messiah and a man "without blemish", without sin, was used in the same way as a sacrifice for all of man-kinds sins. This made me appreciate Jesus and the sacrifices that God has made for us and the the love that he continues to show us through out time.
I know now, that the Bible and the readings that are used in the church are just one way that God uses to connect with us and to try and make us see things that way that they truly are.
Another thing I wanted to add that happened a few days after this as well. I was in my car having my nightly talk with God on my 10 minute drive home from work. At this time, and as often as I can though out the day, I always say "Thank you God". I thank him for my family, my friends, my job, and everything that he has given me and the world. This comes very naturally now, and I like to try to make it a part of every day, as many times a day as I can. One thing came it to my head that I do not believe I have ever said or realized before, and it felt so profound for me and filled me with such feeling that I had to take the words and say them out loud as well "I love you God". Those words have never been uttered from my lips before that I can ever remember. The absolute love and awe I felt at that moment was so over powering, it was a high like I had never felt before. This was just the other night, and I want to try and make it a part of every night to come, most people find it easy to thank God for all that he has done, but do we ever take the time to remind him that we love him as well?
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Nothig to say
I have promised myself to write a new post for this blog at least twice a week, that is one post on each of my days off. This should be easy right, I mean I have a split schedule with at least two or three days between my days off (depending on the side of the week I'm on)? Wrong.
I find myself today with almost nothing to say. Well, it's not that I don't have anything to say, it's more that I'm not quite sure what to say. I had a really tough day at work yesterday, with a massive headache (but not a migraine, thank you God) and not feeling well all around. This put me in a grumpy mood and I found myself with the day almost over, and realizing I didn't really take any time to pray, or really say a meaningful "Thank you God", and I realized this was the most out of sorts I have felt since I started going back to church and really trying to pray every day.
It's funny, how you can miss something, like my heart-felt prayer, and not realize how important it really is to you. The same thing can happen with the people in our lives. It is sometimes, when you are so used to someone being there all the time, like a spouse if they are out for a girls or guys night really late. You try to get to bed at your regular time, but you find yourself tossing and turning and you don't know why. Then it dawns on you, that the person you usually sleep next to, or cuddle with (hey, we've been together for 10 years, and married for almost 5, and we still cuddle for at least a few minutes before we turn over to fall asleep), is not there and it is throwing yourself out of whack.
Maybe next time you are having a bad day, just think, did I pray today? It may not make the day go away, but sometimes it can make the day that much better than it was when it started. At least, that is how it felt for me when I finally got a chance to say, "Thank you God, thank you for today, it may not have been perfect, but it reminded me of how much better I feel when I take the time to talk with you."
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
I find myself today with almost nothing to say. Well, it's not that I don't have anything to say, it's more that I'm not quite sure what to say. I had a really tough day at work yesterday, with a massive headache (but not a migraine, thank you God) and not feeling well all around. This put me in a grumpy mood and I found myself with the day almost over, and realizing I didn't really take any time to pray, or really say a meaningful "Thank you God", and I realized this was the most out of sorts I have felt since I started going back to church and really trying to pray every day.
It's funny, how you can miss something, like my heart-felt prayer, and not realize how important it really is to you. The same thing can happen with the people in our lives. It is sometimes, when you are so used to someone being there all the time, like a spouse if they are out for a girls or guys night really late. You try to get to bed at your regular time, but you find yourself tossing and turning and you don't know why. Then it dawns on you, that the person you usually sleep next to, or cuddle with (hey, we've been together for 10 years, and married for almost 5, and we still cuddle for at least a few minutes before we turn over to fall asleep), is not there and it is throwing yourself out of whack.
Maybe next time you are having a bad day, just think, did I pray today? It may not make the day go away, but sometimes it can make the day that much better than it was when it started. At least, that is how it felt for me when I finally got a chance to say, "Thank you God, thank you for today, it may not have been perfect, but it reminded me of how much better I feel when I take the time to talk with you."
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Time and Money
I know that I talk about being a mother quite a bit, but having a two year old at home, that is a large part of my life. With taking care of her, working full time, and trying to get as much quality time with my husband (we do not have any of the same days off together, though we do work together - literaly right next to one another) it is hard to feel like I have the time to be with God and feel as if I am doing to best job possible to spread his love through the world. There are so many people who take time to volunteer for various things, and though I would have had this time before my daughter, I really do not have the time with her. I am trying to find a way to see if I can get in a volunteer opportunity once a month, to feel I am doing something beneficial in my community, but it is so hard to find out where to start.
I also wish I had more money to donate to the church, charitable contributions for the homeless, hungry and the sick. Right now, me and my husband are saving up to buy our first home and almost all the money I have is going to the saving up. We lucked out that we had friends who went to a first time home buyers course, otherwise we would not have known one was out there and would have been even more lost when starting this big step in our lives. Knowing what it really takes to save up for and buy a home is overwhelming to say the least. So right now I do not feel I have the money to really contribute financially, and my husband and I are not always on the same page when it does come time to donate money.
I have prayed on this and have found something that truly feels right for me at the moment. I found out that there is a food pantry in my community and I have taken a few cans of food that would have otherwise stayed in the cabinets and donated that. However, since it is a community food pantry, there is only one day a week that donations are accepted, and timing wise, it ends up being the same day (and practically at the same time) I need to drop my daughter off with my mother-in-law on Thursdays while I work. Well, just when I thought that idea was out the window (I wanted to drop off some items at least once a week), I found out that the local grocery store, actually has a bin that anyone one can use to drop off items for the Food Pantry. This is very convenient, and I realized, instead of taking items from home and dropping them off, I can just pick-up a few dollars worth of items and leave them there whenever I do my grocery shopping. I also try to buy a can or two of cat food since they also have a drop off for "Kitty Angels" too which is a great charity for cats. Animals need love too!
I also realized when I was at church the other day, instead of having a yard sale when the spring comes, I can just drop off my old clothes at the bin they have in the parking lot, but that spring cleaning still doesn't feel like enough, people need clothes through out the year. Then it hit me, I am always looking for clearance clothes for my daughter so I can stock-up for the next year, without overpaying for kids clothes since they both ruin and grow out of them so quickly. Well, why not take up a few extra items since I am at the store anyway, and donate some of my clearance picks. This way I can get stuff for my family, while making sure I help out other families along the way.
This may not be perfect, and it may not be for everyone, but I want to ensure I am going above doing the least I can do. The least you can do is just that, the least. I want to find a way to do more without pushing my family and their needs to the side. And when my girl is in school (I'm not wishing that to come too quickly, I already feel like she's just growing up too fast), I can take another step above and volunteer my free time when she is at school.
I pray each day for new ways to better the world through my small works, and I really do hope that they help. Every one's life runs so differently, that we can not all help out the same way, but trying to find a way that works with your needs, that is what matters.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
I also wish I had more money to donate to the church, charitable contributions for the homeless, hungry and the sick. Right now, me and my husband are saving up to buy our first home and almost all the money I have is going to the saving up. We lucked out that we had friends who went to a first time home buyers course, otherwise we would not have known one was out there and would have been even more lost when starting this big step in our lives. Knowing what it really takes to save up for and buy a home is overwhelming to say the least. So right now I do not feel I have the money to really contribute financially, and my husband and I are not always on the same page when it does come time to donate money.
I have prayed on this and have found something that truly feels right for me at the moment. I found out that there is a food pantry in my community and I have taken a few cans of food that would have otherwise stayed in the cabinets and donated that. However, since it is a community food pantry, there is only one day a week that donations are accepted, and timing wise, it ends up being the same day (and practically at the same time) I need to drop my daughter off with my mother-in-law on Thursdays while I work. Well, just when I thought that idea was out the window (I wanted to drop off some items at least once a week), I found out that the local grocery store, actually has a bin that anyone one can use to drop off items for the Food Pantry. This is very convenient, and I realized, instead of taking items from home and dropping them off, I can just pick-up a few dollars worth of items and leave them there whenever I do my grocery shopping. I also try to buy a can or two of cat food since they also have a drop off for "Kitty Angels" too which is a great charity for cats. Animals need love too!
I also realized when I was at church the other day, instead of having a yard sale when the spring comes, I can just drop off my old clothes at the bin they have in the parking lot, but that spring cleaning still doesn't feel like enough, people need clothes through out the year. Then it hit me, I am always looking for clearance clothes for my daughter so I can stock-up for the next year, without overpaying for kids clothes since they both ruin and grow out of them so quickly. Well, why not take up a few extra items since I am at the store anyway, and donate some of my clearance picks. This way I can get stuff for my family, while making sure I help out other families along the way.
This may not be perfect, and it may not be for everyone, but I want to ensure I am going above doing the least I can do. The least you can do is just that, the least. I want to find a way to do more without pushing my family and their needs to the side. And when my girl is in school (I'm not wishing that to come too quickly, I already feel like she's just growing up too fast), I can take another step above and volunteer my free time when she is at school.
I pray each day for new ways to better the world through my small works, and I really do hope that they help. Every one's life runs so differently, that we can not all help out the same way, but trying to find a way that works with your needs, that is what matters.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Kids don't make it easy, do they?
Today was my first Sunday at Church this Lent, as my last post stated, I missed the first Sunday. When we were in the parking lot today, the first thing I told my 2 year old daughter (which is the same thing I have told her each weekend since we started going to church together), "Now remember, this is a quite and listening place." and as always her response was to put her finger to her lips and very quietly whisper, "Yeah, quite place Mama". And from there on, she was as quite as a mouth, then the church doors opened, and all quietness went out the window. Does this sound familiar to anyone else?
Each time we go to church, no matter what book I bring to keep her occupied (and hopefully quiet for as long as possible), all she wants to do is put the kneeling bench up and down and jump on it. Hey, the second I get to church, when I'm not running late, my first prayer is for my daughter not to scream, kick, yell, or do anything else, especially during the more solemn moments in church.
And of course, you can't just say, that's it no more Church, I've had it, no mater how much you want to, or the dirty looks you get from the other parishioners. Today, I even got an offer for a baby-sitter next week, which I actually got today from a complete stranger - I felt both guilty that she felt the offer was needed, and it was, but also a relief.
Maybe it's the terrible-two's really kicking in high gear, but as my husband would say, she's has been a beast today. She kept going from high-energy, cranky-pants, and uncontrollable screaming pants to the point where I had to step out into he hall, where she almost immediately quieted down. Then, we get back in to the church and she starts up again. At one point I had to hold her crying, and she was just clinging on to me. Her only real good moments were when she was staring at the 6th month old behind me, and they were both quietly doing raspberries back and forth to each other. It got to the point where I was almost ready to give up and go home for the day, which she kept asking me to do here and there, "home mama", "there mama, out there", "mama car". Just when I was about to give in, the most amazing thing happened, she took her head up from my shoulder and was quiet as can be, took her two little stubby hands and put them on both sides of my face and kept kissing me on one cheek, then giggling, then the other cheek, followed by more giggles, and the forehead, more giggles. My whole face just lit-up and I kept smiling. "Mama you silly mama", she tends to say this, whenever I laugh at something she is doing, or try to imitate her. Outside of "I love you Mama", her "Mama, you silly mama", are probably some of the sweetest words I hear here say.
If anyone would ask me if it's a hard job raising a child I would have to say "100% YES", then give a big broad smile and continue with, "but it's 100% worth it, and one of the most rewarding things you can do with your life".
Next time I'm going to bring my mom for reinforcement, and pray for my daughter through out the week. Hey, The Lord gets more prayers on Sunday, then he usually does any other time of the week, maybe mine weren't heard over the more important prayers, or maybe I need to learn more patience with my daughter, or the lesson is more for the parishioners themselves. Only God knows.
Each time we go to church, no matter what book I bring to keep her occupied (and hopefully quiet for as long as possible), all she wants to do is put the kneeling bench up and down and jump on it. Hey, the second I get to church, when I'm not running late, my first prayer is for my daughter not to scream, kick, yell, or do anything else, especially during the more solemn moments in church.
And of course, you can't just say, that's it no more Church, I've had it, no mater how much you want to, or the dirty looks you get from the other parishioners. Today, I even got an offer for a baby-sitter next week, which I actually got today from a complete stranger - I felt both guilty that she felt the offer was needed, and it was, but also a relief.
Maybe it's the terrible-two's really kicking in high gear, but as my husband would say, she's has been a beast today. She kept going from high-energy, cranky-pants, and uncontrollable screaming pants to the point where I had to step out into he hall, where she almost immediately quieted down. Then, we get back in to the church and she starts up again. At one point I had to hold her crying, and she was just clinging on to me. Her only real good moments were when she was staring at the 6th month old behind me, and they were both quietly doing raspberries back and forth to each other. It got to the point where I was almost ready to give up and go home for the day, which she kept asking me to do here and there, "home mama", "there mama, out there", "mama car". Just when I was about to give in, the most amazing thing happened, she took her head up from my shoulder and was quiet as can be, took her two little stubby hands and put them on both sides of my face and kept kissing me on one cheek, then giggling, then the other cheek, followed by more giggles, and the forehead, more giggles. My whole face just lit-up and I kept smiling. "Mama you silly mama", she tends to say this, whenever I laugh at something she is doing, or try to imitate her. Outside of "I love you Mama", her "Mama, you silly mama", are probably some of the sweetest words I hear here say.
If anyone would ask me if it's a hard job raising a child I would have to say "100% YES", then give a big broad smile and continue with, "but it's 100% worth it, and one of the most rewarding things you can do with your life".
Next time I'm going to bring my mom for reinforcement, and pray for my daughter through out the week. Hey, The Lord gets more prayers on Sunday, then he usually does any other time of the week, maybe mine weren't heard over the more important prayers, or maybe I need to learn more patience with my daughter, or the lesson is more for the parishioners themselves. Only God knows.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Balancing Act
Being a working wife and mother, life seems to be even more of a balancing act than it ever was before. My daughter is now two years old, and there are so many fun things to do with her now that she's getting so much bigger. This is both great, and overwhelming at the same time. I luck out, that she still naps, but outside of that quite 1-2 hours on my day off, there is no much time that is not devoted to her. Now that I have discovered my faith again, it seems that I struggle to find the right way to balance out my time with my daughter, my time with my husband (which is limited as we do not have the same day off at all - this works out great for daycare, but not as much for spending time together as a family), and trying to squeeze in my time for reflection and prayer with The Lord, which feels as if it should be much more of a priority.
I find myself trying each day to see how I can fit everything in my schedule.
Dancing with my daughter, playing with play dough, watching my favorite TV show or playing games with my hubby, catching up on my favorite Syfy series, reading a good book, doing the crossword, checking-up on my email, checking in with my sister, fixing the rip in Winnie The Pooh or my daughters PJ's, and then realizing, I'm not done yet, it all seems overwhelming from time to time (or nearly all the time). Everyone talks about balance, and multi-tasking, but how can we truly accomplish this? And how, besides the hour on Sunday at Church (which part of the time I am stopping the little one from trying to jump on the pews or having a meltdown because her shoe just fell off or some other crisis with her, which also makes me feel guilty for interrupting other peoples time with God), how do you get in your time with the Lord? Is there enough time in the day to even try?
Of course there is, you need to make the time. Sometimes you have to decide which is more important, watching another episode of "Torchwood" or "Storage Wars" or taking that half hour (without commercials), to pray. One way I get some time in with the Lord is to read at least one Bible passage a night (I find myself needing to do this before I finish getting ready for bed as I have been know to doze off while reading if I wait too long). I want to say one day, that yes, I have indeed read through the entire Bible. This is an accomplishment I would be very proud to make and would treasure for a long time.
Outside of this, I try to pray while I'm in the shower, driving to work after dropping my daughter at daycare, right before I'm ready to start to really go to sleep (while my husband is finishing getting ready for bed and I have a moment or two alone) or whenever I have a spare moment that I can just at lease say "Hi God, it's me and I just want to say Thank You for everything". I try to get out this simple little frase as often as I can, because to me, these are some of the most important words in my day, outside of "Please help me understand what you have chosen me to do on this earth for you and how I can best serve you?".
With all this, I still feel as if it's not quite enough, and I always find myself searching and praying for more, more time, more understanding, more knowledge. And I realize now, it's because I have begun to treasure this time alone with me, my thoughts, and God.
I believe, that re-thinking my tasks through out the day, re-directing my plans, and asking for God's help, is just the beginning of my journey, but the beginning is always a great place to start. I have also found myself listening to the AM radio from time to time and catching a Christian radio station as part of my journey through Lent. Lent is a time for sacrifice, and If I am just taking a small step in sacrificing listening to my Country, Pop or other music and replacing it with some wisdom, I think that's a step worth taking! I would suggest, if anyone can, to take some time here and there to listen to one of these broadcasts in their neighborhood, you would be surprised to find answers to questions you never knew you had. I also went online through my local station and signed up for a few email lists as a way to allow myself to see what other people have experienced with The Lord, and hopefully learn something in the meantime.
Does this mean, that this is what every moment of my day is dedicated to, yes and no. I feel that bonding with my daughter and my husband, instead of ignoring them while I read a Bible Passage or one of my emails, is prayer in itself. Everyone needs to find the balance in their own life, for a while mine felt out of balance because I was all family, no God. Then, I started going back to Church and was all God, not necessarily no family, but I was trying to find where to fit God into my family and personal life, without feeling like I was neglecting my faith, or my family. I have just started to be able to try and balance all of this, and realized that without God, I wouldn't have my family, and knowing my family is knowing how God truly cares for me and for those around me. Sorry, if it's feels like I go on sometimes, but sometimes there is so much to say and not enough room in the world to say it all.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
I find myself trying each day to see how I can fit everything in my schedule.
Dancing with my daughter, playing with play dough, watching my favorite TV show or playing games with my hubby, catching up on my favorite Syfy series, reading a good book, doing the crossword, checking-up on my email, checking in with my sister, fixing the rip in Winnie The Pooh or my daughters PJ's, and then realizing, I'm not done yet, it all seems overwhelming from time to time (or nearly all the time). Everyone talks about balance, and multi-tasking, but how can we truly accomplish this? And how, besides the hour on Sunday at Church (which part of the time I am stopping the little one from trying to jump on the pews or having a meltdown because her shoe just fell off or some other crisis with her, which also makes me feel guilty for interrupting other peoples time with God), how do you get in your time with the Lord? Is there enough time in the day to even try?
Of course there is, you need to make the time. Sometimes you have to decide which is more important, watching another episode of "Torchwood" or "Storage Wars" or taking that half hour (without commercials), to pray. One way I get some time in with the Lord is to read at least one Bible passage a night (I find myself needing to do this before I finish getting ready for bed as I have been know to doze off while reading if I wait too long). I want to say one day, that yes, I have indeed read through the entire Bible. This is an accomplishment I would be very proud to make and would treasure for a long time.
Outside of this, I try to pray while I'm in the shower, driving to work after dropping my daughter at daycare, right before I'm ready to start to really go to sleep (while my husband is finishing getting ready for bed and I have a moment or two alone) or whenever I have a spare moment that I can just at lease say "Hi God, it's me and I just want to say Thank You for everything". I try to get out this simple little frase as often as I can, because to me, these are some of the most important words in my day, outside of "Please help me understand what you have chosen me to do on this earth for you and how I can best serve you?".
With all this, I still feel as if it's not quite enough, and I always find myself searching and praying for more, more time, more understanding, more knowledge. And I realize now, it's because I have begun to treasure this time alone with me, my thoughts, and God.
I believe, that re-thinking my tasks through out the day, re-directing my plans, and asking for God's help, is just the beginning of my journey, but the beginning is always a great place to start. I have also found myself listening to the AM radio from time to time and catching a Christian radio station as part of my journey through Lent. Lent is a time for sacrifice, and If I am just taking a small step in sacrificing listening to my Country, Pop or other music and replacing it with some wisdom, I think that's a step worth taking! I would suggest, if anyone can, to take some time here and there to listen to one of these broadcasts in their neighborhood, you would be surprised to find answers to questions you never knew you had. I also went online through my local station and signed up for a few email lists as a way to allow myself to see what other people have experienced with The Lord, and hopefully learn something in the meantime.
Does this mean, that this is what every moment of my day is dedicated to, yes and no. I feel that bonding with my daughter and my husband, instead of ignoring them while I read a Bible Passage or one of my emails, is prayer in itself. Everyone needs to find the balance in their own life, for a while mine felt out of balance because I was all family, no God. Then, I started going back to Church and was all God, not necessarily no family, but I was trying to find where to fit God into my family and personal life, without feeling like I was neglecting my faith, or my family. I have just started to be able to try and balance all of this, and realized that without God, I wouldn't have my family, and knowing my family is knowing how God truly cares for me and for those around me. Sorry, if it's feels like I go on sometimes, but sometimes there is so much to say and not enough room in the world to say it all.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Old Habits Die Hard
I have been diligently following my commitment to abstain from coffee through out Lent. Everyone who knows this is shocked, as I am an avid coffee drinker (about 4 cups a day give or take, it was less 3 years ago but then I quit smoking and started drinking more, I would rather have coffee than smoking as my vice at this point in my 31 year old life). I have taken the time to go to Ash Wednesday for the first time ever, I believe.
I have also been diligent for some of my other vows during my first real Lenten experience, and my Kindle (I have one of the original versions, that look just like books, I love it!) and have taken the time to download some old sermons through the Kindle Bookstore, for free (most books/works that area out of copyright are free, or if they are an entire collection - like the best works of Charles Dickens, are only about $0.99 or $2.99 at most) and have found a collection of Lent Sermons that cover the course of time from the third Sunday before Lent, through to East Sunday (and more!). I have always wanted to read older sermons ever since I started reading some of the older classics, which refer to individuals reading sermons out loud to the family, or just to themselves as a pastime, and it always seemed quite interesting. I have also promised to read a book that was recommended by the Church I have most recently been attending (I plan on moving so I have not been as involved in the Church as I plan on being once me and my husband find our first home and settle in!), "Rediscovering Catholicism". This book, I found out, was given away at Christmas before I started going back to Church. I have since decided to purchase this on my own and could not be happier, this truly has opened my eyes as to what has been going on, not going on, and just plain missing from the Church as of late.
With all of this, and feeling like I am finally getting somewhere, I find myself slipping back into bad habits from time to time. Over this past weekend, I had to meet my sister and her friends for her bachelorette party, and forgot what a bad influence they can be on me. However, after thinking that they were the bad influence in the past (I'm talking back in high school and a little bit when I was 21), they never made me do anything, it was I that decided to follow them. We all met up and had dinner, which was nice, but then it was time to go to the hotel room to get ready before heading out to a night club (not my scene, never really was). Of course, being that I wear very little/light make-up, they wanted to dress me-up and getting into older habits (that I always seem to get into when we all get together), I let them have their way with my hair and make-up. I was a bit more diligent with the number of drinks I had at the club and considering they were all mixed drinks ( I tend not to be able to handle more than 2 or 3 before I get out of hand myself, which is why I only drink wine or beer and only on occasion and typically only 1 drink), and had water in between the 2 drinks and 2 shots and a Redbull ( I was a mom out past 11PM, this was serious Redbull time) I had, I was in fairly good shape when we got back home, however I found myself face to face with an old nemesis, Pot, and being a little intoxicated (and honestly deciding before we went to the club and my sisters friend mentioned she had some) I decided, against my better judgement, that it was okay to indulge. As far as I know, I feel asleep around 4AM as the bar closed at 2AM, no one got sick and everyone was pretty much well-behaved. But still, when I woke in the morning at 10AM and realized I was going to miss my 10:30 Mass in the morning (one of my sisters friends was our ride and I couldn't leave until she was ready to bring everyone back to my moms house), and too tired/my daughter was napping to make the 5PM Mass later that day, just how guilty the night really made me feel. Typically, this is the time when I would just throw in the hat and say, "I quit" since of course, there was just no coming back from this. But, I am strong enough in my faith today, that I prayed for God's forgiveness at my mistakes of the night and the next day, and that I would have to truly think more clearly on my choices from here on out. The mistakes I made that night were no ones fault but my own. I can call my sisters friends "bad influences" all I want, but they can only do so much to influence me, the decision in the end, was all my own, and the decision to move on from this, is all my own as well. I will have to take this for what it was, one big mistake that I never plan on repeating again. Sure, smoking the pot made me feel good, but the guilt and knowledge (even as I was doing it) that it was wrong, was so much stronger. I obviously have a ways to go to strengthen my Faith, and my courage to stay my course, and I plan on going the distance! I feel that I will earn God's forgiveness, however it will take some time to forgive myself, but I will work on this as well.
I have also been diligent for some of my other vows during my first real Lenten experience, and my Kindle (I have one of the original versions, that look just like books, I love it!) and have taken the time to download some old sermons through the Kindle Bookstore, for free (most books/works that area out of copyright are free, or if they are an entire collection - like the best works of Charles Dickens, are only about $0.99 or $2.99 at most) and have found a collection of Lent Sermons that cover the course of time from the third Sunday before Lent, through to East Sunday (and more!). I have always wanted to read older sermons ever since I started reading some of the older classics, which refer to individuals reading sermons out loud to the family, or just to themselves as a pastime, and it always seemed quite interesting. I have also promised to read a book that was recommended by the Church I have most recently been attending (I plan on moving so I have not been as involved in the Church as I plan on being once me and my husband find our first home and settle in!), "Rediscovering Catholicism". This book, I found out, was given away at Christmas before I started going back to Church. I have since decided to purchase this on my own and could not be happier, this truly has opened my eyes as to what has been going on, not going on, and just plain missing from the Church as of late.
With all of this, and feeling like I am finally getting somewhere, I find myself slipping back into bad habits from time to time. Over this past weekend, I had to meet my sister and her friends for her bachelorette party, and forgot what a bad influence they can be on me. However, after thinking that they were the bad influence in the past (I'm talking back in high school and a little bit when I was 21), they never made me do anything, it was I that decided to follow them. We all met up and had dinner, which was nice, but then it was time to go to the hotel room to get ready before heading out to a night club (not my scene, never really was). Of course, being that I wear very little/light make-up, they wanted to dress me-up and getting into older habits (that I always seem to get into when we all get together), I let them have their way with my hair and make-up. I was a bit more diligent with the number of drinks I had at the club and considering they were all mixed drinks ( I tend not to be able to handle more than 2 or 3 before I get out of hand myself, which is why I only drink wine or beer and only on occasion and typically only 1 drink), and had water in between the 2 drinks and 2 shots and a Redbull ( I was a mom out past 11PM, this was serious Redbull time) I had, I was in fairly good shape when we got back home, however I found myself face to face with an old nemesis, Pot, and being a little intoxicated (and honestly deciding before we went to the club and my sisters friend mentioned she had some) I decided, against my better judgement, that it was okay to indulge. As far as I know, I feel asleep around 4AM as the bar closed at 2AM, no one got sick and everyone was pretty much well-behaved. But still, when I woke in the morning at 10AM and realized I was going to miss my 10:30 Mass in the morning (one of my sisters friends was our ride and I couldn't leave until she was ready to bring everyone back to my moms house), and too tired/my daughter was napping to make the 5PM Mass later that day, just how guilty the night really made me feel. Typically, this is the time when I would just throw in the hat and say, "I quit" since of course, there was just no coming back from this. But, I am strong enough in my faith today, that I prayed for God's forgiveness at my mistakes of the night and the next day, and that I would have to truly think more clearly on my choices from here on out. The mistakes I made that night were no ones fault but my own. I can call my sisters friends "bad influences" all I want, but they can only do so much to influence me, the decision in the end, was all my own, and the decision to move on from this, is all my own as well. I will have to take this for what it was, one big mistake that I never plan on repeating again. Sure, smoking the pot made me feel good, but the guilt and knowledge (even as I was doing it) that it was wrong, was so much stronger. I obviously have a ways to go to strengthen my Faith, and my courage to stay my course, and I plan on going the distance! I feel that I will earn God's forgiveness, however it will take some time to forgive myself, but I will work on this as well.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Hello There
As most Catholics know, today is Ash Wednesday which is the start of Lent. What does this mean? Well, I'm on a journey to truly find out for the first time. I am 31 years old, and though raised as a "Catholic" I really don't know what that means. I have been brought up in and out of the church so much, that I only caught glimpses of what goes on inside the church. I cannot recall ever actually going to midnight mass for Christmas, or only a few times on Easter Sunday. There is so much I don't really know about my faith. My mother made sure I went to CCD to make my first communion and confirmation, but literally only during those times. I never went the years before, between or after, so I was always lost as to what was being taught, and I probably only went into church for a Sunday Mass about the same amount of times as the actual length of Lent, though this may be stretching a little, it is not by much. I didn't realize until I was a bit older, but I really feel that my faith was neglected because of this, and the not understanding of important things, like lent, and why people touch their face (sorry, I still don't really know what they are doing and which Gospel this is for), which caused me to feel out of place in the church. At any age I could have made the decision to go back to church and learn, however I did not and I cannot blame anyone but myself for that decision. After some time, I was engaged to my lovely husband and we were married in a Catholic Church when we were 27. Just before and after the marriage, my husband and I did go to church for a short time before we found a nearby Christian Church that was just seconds away from our apartment. Let's just say that only lasted so long, and left a somewhat sour taste in our mouths, and we stopped going to either church for some time. And sometime around this, when the whole child abuse scandal was coming out, I did find out that some family members were victims, and of course this did not really help my feelings towards the church, though I never doubted God.
Even with all of this, I need to admit that not going to church had always made me feel guilty; I just knew I was neglecting something. I mean, I always believed in God and Jesus Christ, but I never really understood why, I never really let myself realize just how important they really were to me, and until about a month ago, I just let the guilt eat at me. I realized, a few months ago, when my daughter turned two (and she shares a very special birthday with the most important person in the universe, Jesus Christ) that if I was feeling this guilty about not taking myself to church, how was I going to feel if she never had the chance to experience it herself, and neglected in her faith as I had when I realized how much I missed in those years of not going to church. Now some members of my family, and my husband, believe that it should be her choice as to what she believes, and to a point I agree. However, if I never show her what her choices are, how can she actually make an educated decision. My husband and I have decided not to have her her baptized, until she is old enough to decide that this is something she wants. But I have at least been able to make him see that it is good to take her to church with me, every Sunday (and believe me, he's still not quite sure about that, but luckily I have the day off and he does not, so there isn't too much of a choice in there). I have named my blog Faith From Scratch, as I feel that is where me and my daughter are starting from. I need to let go of what I missed in the past and move forward with what I can learn now and in the future. I have been attending church every Sunday and reading at least one passage in the Bible each and every night before bed (I love my kindle by the way, I can take the bible with me anywhere).
I know this is a bit of a long introduction, however, I feel that a background is necessary. I want to take this blog to reach those who maybe are not so sure of their faith, that they are not alone, and that you can go back at anytime in life, God has all the time in the world, literally.
After church this past Sunday, the Sunday before Ash Wednesday, we were given out handouts including information on lent, and a little black book. It was here that I started to learn about lent, and I realized, that I needed to show myself that I could truly commit to my faith. I have taken this information, and I am proud to say, I fasted for the first time today. Though, I had a headache most of the day (mainly because I'm giving up coffee, and drink about 4 cups a day) and was very hungry between my 1 slice of toast and peanut butter for breakfast and lunch, I truly felt how grateful an actual meal can really be and it felt good.
I will be fasting on Good Friday and the Saturday before Easter as well, and hope that I can muster up the same strength that I had today, and through prayer and God I believe that this is possible. For me, a person who tends not to follow through with a lot of her grand schemes, I need to prove to myself I can do this, and that I can give up coffee. I also plan on taking the little black book, which is a guide through lent for reflection about 6 minutes a day, and some time with God to help me through this. I believe that I can do this, and know I need to prove it to myself. I can't talk the talk, if I can't walk the walk.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
Even with all of this, I need to admit that not going to church had always made me feel guilty; I just knew I was neglecting something. I mean, I always believed in God and Jesus Christ, but I never really understood why, I never really let myself realize just how important they really were to me, and until about a month ago, I just let the guilt eat at me. I realized, a few months ago, when my daughter turned two (and she shares a very special birthday with the most important person in the universe, Jesus Christ) that if I was feeling this guilty about not taking myself to church, how was I going to feel if she never had the chance to experience it herself, and neglected in her faith as I had when I realized how much I missed in those years of not going to church. Now some members of my family, and my husband, believe that it should be her choice as to what she believes, and to a point I agree. However, if I never show her what her choices are, how can she actually make an educated decision. My husband and I have decided not to have her her baptized, until she is old enough to decide that this is something she wants. But I have at least been able to make him see that it is good to take her to church with me, every Sunday (and believe me, he's still not quite sure about that, but luckily I have the day off and he does not, so there isn't too much of a choice in there). I have named my blog Faith From Scratch, as I feel that is where me and my daughter are starting from. I need to let go of what I missed in the past and move forward with what I can learn now and in the future. I have been attending church every Sunday and reading at least one passage in the Bible each and every night before bed (I love my kindle by the way, I can take the bible with me anywhere).
I know this is a bit of a long introduction, however, I feel that a background is necessary. I want to take this blog to reach those who maybe are not so sure of their faith, that they are not alone, and that you can go back at anytime in life, God has all the time in the world, literally.
After church this past Sunday, the Sunday before Ash Wednesday, we were given out handouts including information on lent, and a little black book. It was here that I started to learn about lent, and I realized, that I needed to show myself that I could truly commit to my faith. I have taken this information, and I am proud to say, I fasted for the first time today. Though, I had a headache most of the day (mainly because I'm giving up coffee, and drink about 4 cups a day) and was very hungry between my 1 slice of toast and peanut butter for breakfast and lunch, I truly felt how grateful an actual meal can really be and it felt good.
I will be fasting on Good Friday and the Saturday before Easter as well, and hope that I can muster up the same strength that I had today, and through prayer and God I believe that this is possible. For me, a person who tends not to follow through with a lot of her grand schemes, I need to prove to myself I can do this, and that I can give up coffee. I also plan on taking the little black book, which is a guide through lent for reflection about 6 minutes a day, and some time with God to help me through this. I believe that I can do this, and know I need to prove it to myself. I can't talk the talk, if I can't walk the walk.
If there is anyone else out there who is reading this, or any of my future posts, and is either struggling with their faith and needs someone to share their fears and doubts with, or anyone who just wants to share words of encouragement and faith so that everyone can hear, please don't hesitate to leave a note on this blog. This is not just for me, but for anyone who needs to know that they are truly not alone out there and someone else may be going through the same things that they are now, or have gone through the same things in the past.
Thank you all of listening and Gold Bless!
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